Written Contusions

There are just a few things that I hold dear to my heart. Among those things are rainbows because of the beauty, mystery and hope that it brings. If I were to whittle you into a metaphor, you would be my rainbow. Niji as the Japanese calls it. Do you want to know why? You are my rainbow because you gave me hope, you inspired me but most of all, you tantalized me. You still do, actually.

Whenever I see a rainbow, I feel hopeful. After a dark day of rain, a rainbow will appear and the sun shines brighter after. You appeared while I was in a rainstorm. Through the gray haze of memory, I can still recall you vividly. I can still recall our first meeting. Do you remember when we first met? Off course you do! We just talked about it one Friday evening. I don't know if I can safely say that I love you but I have heard someone say that if something is as heavy as love, the heart can bear the weight. After two years, I am still bearing it. Because of that, I am still hopeful.

Seeing a spectrum after a gray day is totally inspiring. It seems that my imagination is always up in the sky dreaming wide blue fantasies. Sometimes, it is in some forest, looking for some green epiphany growing from the underbrush. There are also some instances where it is under the sea, trying to fathom the darkest mysteries, reveling in the dark. You know those things are true. However, you inspired me to stay on the ground. You helped me come to terms with the gravity. You turned my insane imagination love the reality of life, which I loathed. To some, it may seem that you stunted my growth but for me, you inspired me to reach out to something that I brownly feared.

After all that I have said, all good and true, you tantalized me. You still do. When I was younger, I honestly tried to follow a rainbow because I heard from the television that there is gold at the end of it. I really tried. I don't know if you know the feeling but it feels futile. The harder I ran towards the rainbow, the farther it seemed to be until I tried to catch my breath and when I looked, it was gone. That is how you tantalized me.

Niji, I can still bear the weight of my feelings. I can still flit between fantasy and reality. I am doubly inspired What's more surprising is that I can bear the frustration of being tantalized. Why? Because as I have said, you are my Rainbow, held dear to my heart. I just hope that unlike real rainbows, you don't vanish when I am not looking.

I fear the reaction that this letter might elicit. Nevertheless, I will revel in the idea that I have said my piece.

The inside of a deserted house:
from the window,
light illumines dust
settling to create a blanket
of forgetting over furniture.
Even if the air disturbs
the process, slowly
every particle finds its spot,
a place where it conveniently covers up
some distant memory - on a nearby table

a partial puzzle waits. One piece is still
a lost unsettled edge,indisposed.
The idea that it is the missing piece
completes its sadness.

In only one spot can the table top be seen.

Untouched, unfinished,
the puzzle succumbs
to slow forgetting
what is lost
while dust
fills
the
gaping
gap.

This is a poem I originally wrote on September 17th, 2003. I revised it after five years! It's been a long time since I last read this. I think I have forgotten enough of the emotions behind it so I am now able to publish a revision. Comments are appreciated, of course. Cheers!

This is from a collection called No End of Fun printed in 1967 and was written by the Polish poet Wislawa Szymborska. She won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1996. This was translated by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh. I interpreted it as an ars poetica of hers. I would like you to enjoy this poem with me. Read it aloud. Read like you were reading it for a child. Do it in a made-up voice and don't forget to sip a black, hot, steaming cup of coffee along with it. Enjoy!

Why does this written doe bound through these written woods?
For a drink of written water from a spring
whose surface will xerox her soft muzzle?
Why does she lift her head; does she hear something?
Perched on four slim legs borrowed from the truth,
she pricks up her ears beneath my fingertips.
Silence - this word also rustles across the page
and parts the boughs
that have sprouted from the word "woods."

Lying in wait, set to pounce on the blank page,
are letters up to no good,
clutches of clauses so subordinate
they'll never let her get away.

Each drop of ink contains a fair supply
of hunters, equipped with squinting eyes behind their sights,
prepared to swarm the sloping pen at any moment,
surround the doe, and slowly aim their guns.

They forget that what's here isn't life.
Other laws, black on white, obtain.
The twinkling of an eye will take as long as I say,
and will, if I wish, divide into tiny eternities,
full of bullets stopped in mid-flight.
Not a thing will ever happen unless I say so.
Without my blessing, not a leaf will fall,
not a blade of grass will bend beneath that little hoof's full stop.

Is there then a world
where I rule absolutely on fate?
A time I bind with chains of signs?
An existence become endless at my bidding?

The joy of writing.
The power of preserving.
Revenge of a mortal hand.

For some reason, I cannot stop myself from thinking about darkness and light. Yesterday, I saw several movies on HBO and the opposition of light and darkness kept popping up and kept on grabbing my attention. While watching, I wrote some notes about the meaning of those two words for me but I will need to reserve those for another blog post. What I am really interested in posting today are some of my dark art.

The first picture is of me and the rest were digitally distorted through Adobe Photoshop CS3 Extended Edition. Thank you, CS3, by the way! Because of you, I was able to artistically distort my face and become a monster. Why a monster, though? Looking at the time stamp when the files were created, I found out that I was in the dark phase of my life. Except for the original, the other three were done around January 31st, 2008.

I don't really know why I did this set. I was just exhilarated to try out the CS3, I guess. Hmm, I wonder! Perhaps, I was just trying to concretize the idea that I had, or rather, a question: "How would I look like if I was a monster?" I guess I answered it in those 3 pictures, huh?!

Oh well, since this is just a randomly blurted posted, I will just finish it off right now. I now have to think of some other project to do or entry to post here in my blog.

How convenient for me the rain fell before your tears
affording me to share one last moment with you
under my umbrella.

Every drop, wet
dreadfully cold, taunting you to stay
under my umbra of tempting warmth and dryness.

Your vain effort to stop the rain from falling:
You reached out to catch a drop
on your palm. It still fell, heavy
embodiment of sorrow,

loss

-of the cloud that failed to hold on
-of the wind not being able to return the drops.

Words condensed on my lips,
waiting for the moment
when air gives way to thunder.

How convenient for you that the rain lingered on.
Every word that rolled off my lips
merely fell into the dark
glassy puddle the rain filled
to reflect my bowed head.

Finally, I managed to plead for you to stay.
You nearly did

but conveniently,
the rain went away.

(August 5th, 2003)

This was a poem I wrote way back in 2003. It was originally entitled, "How Convenient For Me The Rain Fell Before Your Tears," but it seemed to be such a long title so I decided to repost that as, "Convenience." As a project, I am starting to gather a portfolio of my works so that I can share my poetry with other people.

Last Monday, the moon was almost full and it was stained with a yellow tinge. I am not really sure if it was still waxing or if it was already waning. Nevertheless, it still proved to be one of the loveliest sights I have seen all week. Contrasted against the dark sky and framed in feathery clouds, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend, Jayvie. We were talking about how wonderful it is to be in the light once again. In retrospect, we both experienced dark times and he is so glad that we were both in the light once again.

Jayvie was saying that it is so hard to be in the dark. There, he experienced sorrow and loneliness. He felt he did not have any purpose or direction in life during those times that he called dark times. He absolutely hated the idea.

On the other hand, I felt, and still feel, the opposite towards the dark. I never really hated the dark. Even though we felt the same kinds of emotions, I have maintained a kinder attitude towards the dark. Although I love light, I have also learned that darkness is also my friend.

As I was telling him the other day, my life has always been a cycle of light and dark moments. One of my friends, Cace, told me that I am one of the few people she knows that radiates happiness and optimism even in the saddest or most desperate of times. She referred to me as the sun; this tag felt so relevant to me because under my star sign, as a leo, my ruling planet is the sun. Usually, I am happy most of the year but there are definite times that I really feel miserable and sad. Before my birthday comes, I feel depressed. After that, I usually go back to becoming a star for a lot of people but once December comes, I usually feel depressed again. This kind of cycle goes on year after year.

Even though I feel miserable at times, I never really hated the darkness. If I am a sun during my happy times, I have always thought that I was a black hole when I feel sad. I remember a few dark nights when I cried myself to sleep as I clutched at my chest, believing that there is a black hole inside. If I radiate with happiness when I am the sun, I tend to gain a lot of strength and power when I am a black hole. I guess, it is the idea that a black hole has a great gravitational pull that makes me feel and think I am strong and mighty.

During dark times, I tend to be more creative. I tend to make most of my poetry, although just in the literal sense: at night. I got to solidify most of my principles in life during those hard trying times. I guess, that was back in 2005 when I formulated my own version of the Golden Rule: "Hindi lumiligaya ang taong humahadlang sa ligaya ng iba." During that year, that was also when I got to pull some of my closest friends to be at my side. I got close to Vince, who practiced wicca, and we shared the power of our words. When I asked for advice from Vince, he replied to me in a poem and this is what he said:

Chad,
Hi! Don't feel lost.
Read on:
The light is never lost.
It is vast as the ocean
And we are its
children.
We swim in the darkness
While the light is on everyside,
Mothering us when we struggle.
It is not lost,
But waits to be
grasped
Recognise the love of it
Like a dew saluting the sun
In the
humility of the morning.
-Vincent Oliver

Although it took a while for me to be happy once again, that poem proved to be so meaningful to me that I was able to write a poem and make a whole new blog.

I guess I really need to fall into a cycle of dark and light. I need time to recharge my spiritual energies during dark times so that in times of light, I am able to shine bright, strong and true. I have learned to embrace the darkness as an integral part of life. It may be a cliche but it is true that a star can only shine in the darkest of nights.

As you can see, I have updated the layout of my blog once again. Learning adobe photoshop has helped me create this layout from scratch and I my newly found knowledge has helped me get back into blogging once again. Sadly, I feel selfish about this blog layout so I didn't publish this in Blogskins.

Thanks to PSDTuts for the wonderful photoshop tutorials. I learned a lot. I got to practice through their tutorials. I think it is apparent that the result of the exercises was a success. I will link them to my site when I get the chance!

It's unfortunate, really. I have been sucked in by a vortex of sadness and insolation. I have been in a daze because of the, so far, four deaths of people that are in my generation. I've walked in a contemplative and wary way because I had this irrational fear of death. I figured that if Death was already coming for a 20-year old boy, what would stop him from coming after me?

I'm already 24 years old. I smoke a lot. Wait, that's an understatement; I am a chain smoker. I get myself drunk with coffee, although I also occasionally drink. I don't exercise and I keep myself stressed for long periods of time. I don't really sleep much. Hold on. That's another understatement because I rarely sleep. I have all the risk factors.

I know I have to quit doing all those bad habbits. Life's too short to live waste on irrelevant things.

Before my birthday, I felt so sad. It took a while to recover but I now feel better. Remember, I was writing about my second job? I finally quit working for a call center. I'm now in a day job and I feel fine about it. Although I still can't sleep, I am very happy to just read essays and help students fix any errors on the text. I think this is the start of something good for me.

Life is being good to me right now. By the way, I just noticed that this seems to be a very long overdue birthday post. I'm sorry I am too lazy. Well, there's still time to change.

Recent events have led me to go back into a state that I call Solemnity of Reflection. Because of the recent deaths, the painful losses and the radical changes in my life, I have retreated into a state that calls for reflecting on my life that demands a moment of peace. This started when my friend JaGurl passed away and has been reinforced by the murder of my cousin-in-law.

Although I am really not silent on the outside, in my head, I am trying desperately to calm the raging thoughts. I think I have reached the eye of the storm in me. That storm that other people might call their thought process. I have been in this state for about two weeks now and I think the storm in me is moving once again. I can start to hear the rustling of my hair.

Realizing that I have withdrawn into this state reminded me of my experience with my friend Donna and her cousins. I think it was a few years back. I have graduated from college already but I still kept in touch with Donna. One day, we decided to go to a nearby mall along with her cousins while we waited for time to pass. We were planning to go to a local rockfest. While in the mall, her cousin Dareese noticed that her cell phone was missing. We alerted the mall security and we almost succeeded in apprehending the criminal but she got away anyhow.

At that moment, the reality that Dareese' cell phone cannot be retrieved has finally set in but they were still full of chatter. I insisted that they take a moment to reflect on what had happened but they refused. I guess everybody is just different but I wanted them to have the solemnity of reflection so that something good could come from the negative experienced.

For me, the worst thing that could happen at the moment of a loss or misfortune is never really the event itself. The saddest thing is that a person cannot learn from an experience like that. I don't know if this means anything to anybody but I wanted to share this anyway.

So what really is the solemnity of reflection? It is a time to stay quiet and be still. It is a time to think. A time to look at all that is around you. A time to look to the horizons that limit the width and breadth of the world you live in. For what? That is to learn from mistakes. To listen for a hidden message sent by the Divine. Find the meaning to a blaring alarm that the Universe has sent to us in the form of disaster or unfortunate event. I think that to fail to achieve that state would invite more misfortune and disaster because the Universe will not stop teaching us the lessons we need to learn until we stop and take it in. I realized that the hard way.

What do you call the son of your aunt's husband? I know I should be calling my aunt's husband as uncle-in-law. Does it follow that his son is my cousin-in-law? His name is Jojo. He is the fourth since I started this blog! Fourth what, you may ask? He is the fourth person who died since the creation of this blog. It seems that all I can blog about is the death of somebody around my age.

I really don't know why I am so high-strung regarding these deaths. Other deaths did not affect me so much.

Perhaps, it's because those who died were around my age. Perhaps I am realizing that death is always at my doorstep, no matter how young I am. Perhaps...

I can't seem to let the idea of death go. I can't really seem to admit to myself that I am scared. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. It's driving me crazy.

It seems that whenever I post here, something dreadful happens. This is the third time I am posting a death in my blog. This time, her name is JaGurl.

I knew her from work. Worked with her for 2 years. She laughed. She cried. She got angry. She dressed up, wonderfully and unabashedly flashy. She was a good friend.

I remember, distinctly, as if it just happened yesterday -- she was still alive.

One fond memory I have of her is when one day, we ate lunch in Chef di Angelo in Glorietta. It was not planned; it was just another impulse of the day. She was the one who instigated the whole trip to the mall after work. She had her camera with her. I wore a blue-green turtle neck long-sleeved shirt. She was trigger-happy with the camera. I was hungry because I couldn't eat too much within our shift; my shirt was body-hugging.

Then, lo and behold, JaGurl asks us to eat in Chef. I couldn't resist! It was one of the best restaurants, in our opinion. While waiting for our food, she took pictures of our group. She took a picture of the two of us because she said that my eyes looked so good. Apparently, she thought I had Spanish eyes; my eyes are almond shaped in reality.

The next day, she gave us prints of the pictures she took.

That was in 2006.

Now, she just smiles in my memory. In the picture she took of us, she was smiling. I was in my usual tempting aura. I was so fond of that picture. Now, I can't look at it without feeling sad.

Birds were chirping outside the window. I opened my eyes to cold morning light from my window; the curtains are being blown in by the cold November air. I yawned and stretched in my bed. The sheets felt cold although I have slept in my bed for more than twelve hours now. Wishing I had coffee on my bedside, I fumbled for my cigarettes. I always place them beside my head whenever I go to sleep. Lazily, I groped for my lighter. I thought I placed it near my pack of Marlboro Lights but somehow, they have wandered into the folds of my blanket.

Finally, after several tantalizing minutes of searching, I found it and struck to light my cigarette. Red ember and gray smoke filled my head. I looked at the wafting smoke for a minute and I remembered my dream. I was dreaming of a cave whose walls are encrusted with gem stones. Rubies, emeralds, quarts, sapphire, diamonds, amethyst and all sorts of colored crystals were all over the cave. They shone with an inner light and a voice was calling to me. “Save me, “it said and the cave walls burst into a kaleidoscope of colored light. One gem shone brighter over the others and I knew that was where the voice was coming from. At first, it came from an amethyst but when I tried prying it off the wall, the light died and went to another gem. It was like playing that game in the amusement arcade where you had to pound hamsters sticking their heads out of holes. After a while, I was able to see that the gem I was really looking for was an emerald, just above my eye level. I started scratching it out of the wall with excitement. It pried loose and gave a final burst of light. Relieved, I clutched it in my hand and when I opened my hands, I was holding a green frog, dead and cold in my hand.

I think that was the moment that I woke up from the dream. Sitting up slowly, I looked around. I had to get up and answer nature’s call.

Getting out of the bathroom, I noticed that something was amiss. The house was absolutely still. I was alone. Regularly, I could hear the hustle and bustle of the kitchen my mom maintains for her small restaurant just next to the house.

I padded downstairs to the living room. I glanced at the kitchen. I went into my parent’s room. I even tried my sister’s room although I knew that she has work that day. Nobody was home.

I turned on the radio and played my favorite CD. It’s a collection I made for myself so I can relax and go to sleep. I always had problems sleeping. But when I sleep, I sleep deeply and dream dreams that are always surreal or grotesque.

After a while of just sitting down the couch, I got tired of doing nothing and I decided to go to the nearby river that I always went to when I was a kid. I had good memories there because that was where my father and I bonded. Plus, I can even catch fish to put into my aquarium at no charge there.

Getting to the river bank is quite a chore. I had to walk first towards the hanging bridge already overgrown with vines. Sometimes, I think the steel cables aren’t really strong enough to hold the bridge up. It was just held taut by the vines. Crossing that bridge always gave me the exhilaration of doing something dangerous. It sways to and fro and the floor boards are so weather beaten that one wrong move might mean a plummet into the river, some 20 feet down.

After the bridge, I started climbing down the steep cliff where foot holds have been carved so people could get to the river. I always try not to soil myself whenever I go down there. This time was no different, I made a wrong step on a piece of rock I thought was steady and I started slipping down the cliff leaving a fury of dust after me. It was a good thing that I was on that one path were a huge rock jutted forward, making an overhang above the river. Otherwise, I would’ve soaked myself at that early time of day.

Dusting myself off, I noticed that the tide pools were empty. No water, much less small trapped fish or tadpoles swimming with naiads. A red dragonfly flitted past me. I followed where it flew and I was blinded by the sun, already halfway to the summit of its slow ascension in the azure sky. As my eyes adjusted, my ears also picked up the chilling cacophony of the cicadas living in the woods.

I started walking up stream following a stony path just a foot away from the water. The grass there were not green as it should have been for the time of the year. I found wrinkled and dried brown moss and they crunched beneath my feet when I trod on them. I hated walking through grass. I was not at all concerned with rashes that other people usually get from them or snakes lurking in thick tufts of grass. I was much more concerned of seeing a huge spider with long spindly legs. Good thing I didn’t see any.

After 30 minutes of walking, I reached my favorite spot. It was where the river grew shallow and water cabbages grew alongside hyacinths. I always thought that water cabbage flowers were prettier than hyacinths. I tried looking for a wide and dry rock to sit on so I can rest. Some of the rocks there were huge and a chore to climb on to but good thing the last flood turned some over that were flat and low enough for a person to sit on comfortably.

I took in the surroundings like a draught of cool water after being thirsty for a day. Water was trickling and burbling constantly. The drone of the cicadas still went on. Red and blue dragonflies skittered across the river. The hyacinths and pink water cabbage flowers called black and blue butterflies to them and occasionally, fish jumped out of the water.

I closed my eyes and I fell asleep.

This is a story I wrote some time ago. I thought I would post it here so everyone can read it. I hope you can make comments on it. Thanks!

Have you ever worked two jobs? This is the first time that I am to work 2 jobs and I feel mixed emotions about it. Up to a certain degree I am apprehensive because it would entail that I will have so much to sacrifice. However, I feel somewhat happy because I know I will be growing as a person.

I don't know if I have already posted it here, but I am currently working as a call center agent for a medical insurance. Actually, it's not medical, it's a pharmaceutical insurance. My shift starts 10:00pm - 9:00am every Monday, Thursday, and Friday; If it's a Saturday, it starts 11:00pm - 10:00am (those are in Philippine time).

Now, I've applied as an online tutor. The work hours are fairly flexible as of now, since I am still in training. I don't know yet how everything will work out when I go into it full time though.

Having two jobs made me feel apprehensive. First of all, it's because this is the first time that I will be juggling two major responsibilities at a time. Theoretically, in terms of schedule, I will not be having any major problems because of the predictability of my first job and the flexibility of the second job. However, I don't think that I will be able to handle the stress that it will definitely put on my body. As it is now, I can barely sleep because of insomnia. Even if that is the case, I know my body cannot withstand an extended period of sleeplessness. By the way I figure my schedule out, it seems that the only real time that I can rest would be my van rides to go to work and the trips when I go home. In addition to that, I will have Sunday all to myself.

Additionally, I know that I will still have to transition into the new job because it is new to me. I imagine that it might take me two to three weeks of adjusting before I can say that I am in my groove. Now this poses a problem in terms of salary because my tutorial job is output based, meaning, it will only pay a good wage if I get to make a substantial amount of tutorial. I wouldn't know how it will all figure in my budget yet. I guess I will have to cross the bridge when I get there.

Although I am feeling stressed about the current situation, I am also in a way excited to see how it will turn out. I know that the most I can get from this situation is personal growth because I haven't handled such an amount of responsibility yet. This will definitely force me out of my comfort zone and will also help me find ways of making my time more productively. I know I can work out a good schedule for myself. I just need to muster enough discipline to do a time table that I will stick to. In other words, I would only need to manage my time well and maximize whatever I will have left to focus on myself so as not to just collapse due to exhaustion. This is a reminder to myself that I would need to either buy a planner or make myself one.

On another note, but a major factor in my current predicament, I can say that my first job is actually very rewarding; I get to have three days off and my salary is also about the minimum. However, I feel that I need an extra source of income to bolster my financial status to say that I AM FINANCIALLY STABLE. That is one major reason why I decided to take this challenge. As I've said earlier, my second job is output based so it will be up to me how much I will be making. This means that I just have to do more work for more money. That is what I am most looking forward to actually achieve! My friend who already works there full time says that I can even beat my current salary by a mile if I set my mind to it. Hopefully, it turns out like that for me as well.

Since the pay will be output based, I know that I have to fully motivate myself to achieve maximum output. In terms of motivation, I could say that I do have a lot to motivate me. I have my 2 real estate payments to make, my credit card bill, my Internet bill and the money to buy groceries -- coffee being the top priority! And then, there's the additional factor of saving money for things that I merely want like a new cellular phone, a small notebook (I mean a laptop), and a digital camera for my beloved sister!

At this point, I can see that everything is uncertain. Anything can happen. All I can hope for is the best, really. This is definitely a big change. I know it is for my growth. Growing pains will definitely be there but at least I know I am evolving into another version of myself that can handle more responsibility -- a better person in other words.

I am so stressed out this week. Aside from the application that I have for the online tutor post, I've been feeling pretty miserable about my current job. Mostly because of the mess other people made that I have to clean up after.

I was so stressed that my mother told me that while I was sleeping, I tried to choke her to death. She just suddenly woke because somebody was squeezing her neck. It turns out, I was the one who was doing it. She tried hard to pry my hands off her neck. Luckily, she said I let go. The scary part is, I don't remember anything about it. Sheesh!

Hey! I've been busy applying to be an online tutor this past week so I know I will be very busy, busy, busy! I've finished my initial interview and my simulations. I've also done my revisions on the work I've been set and hopefully, I get the position. I can't wait to be employed there.

What they do is they comment on essays to help students rewrite them better. Isn't it neat? Hopefully, that will also spur me in the proper path to writing once again.

By the way, I am revising my older blog, Tales of the Wayward Traveler: The Devil's Mirror and the other Devil's Implements, so be sure to check them out when I am done. It seems that those blogs were never really me except for the times they were not yet the Devil's Implements.

Literally, I've thrown the idea off of a bridge here in Cavite and what a splash! Hahaha. Stay tuned!

It seems like the Devil's Mirror is soon to shatter.

Earlier, when I was riding my homeward jeep, I thought crept up my tumultuous mind. Freedom! Beauty! Truth and Love!!! That was a line from the movie Moulin Rouge and it kept on flourishing in my minds ear. Since I was not able to shrug it off, what I did was to listen intently to what it was saying.

After each flourish of that line, I actually deciphered a message. "Smash the Devil's Mirror!" It sounded as clear as the humming engine of the jeep. "There is no room for darkness when the light shines even in the depths of your soul."

And then I said, "But what about the layout, the html coding, the wonderful skin the Devil's Mirror and all the other Devil's Implements?"

"Take them with the Mirror and discard them. Throw them off the Imus Bridge!"

As if dazed, I just realized that it was true. There was no room for everything the Devil had to offer on my little piece of cyberspace. In fact, it never was a recurring theme on any of my blogs. Thus, when the jeep was crossing over Imus Bridge, "Splash!"

I am getting ready for a big change.

Hello there! I'm taking a break from my usual blogskin-making mode today. I think I had too much to drink after 3 days of not sleeping so I have to take it easy today. Looking back at it though, I haven't drunk alcohol for a long time now. Two bottles easily made me tipsy.

Well, enough about me. I am actually putting a post here so I could feature my new found addiction, Maitri's blog called Magic and Moments from Dragonfly Cottage. Maitri Libellule is a writer, a pet keeper of all sorts and a wonderful gardener. I hope at this point, you have already made an effort to click the link already and has already seen what I mean.

This new blog addiction I developed started just a month ago. I was in such a turmoil, emotionally, then and I wanted to clear my head. I remembered that I went to this certain blog of a woman who had such a passion for her writing and also about life so I immediately used all my powers (meaning Google) to search for her blog once again.

The initial hook that caught me was her profile:

Maitri is a writer, an independent publisher, and a fiber artist. She lives with 6 parrots, 4 dogs, a beta fish named Vincent, and is an avid gardener. Maitri's work and life are centered in works of compassion and loving kindness. You can see the entire scope of her work on her 9 year old site, dragonflycottage.com. She is also currently working on a book called "The Road To Dragonfly Cottage," The parrots, pugs, big dog and beta fish will all help of course.

Her pets will help her in her work!!! What a wonderful thing to read on an extra sad day! So after reading that, I started inching my way through her posts. The very first post I read on her blog was Every Night I Go To Bed Laughing! which was about how her pugs cheered her up. Being a pet lover as well, I went on reading and the rest was history.

In my heart, I found that her writing kept my spirit still. Simple words and heartfelt gratitude to the many blessings of Life are the two best things I found on her blog. Hearing (or rather, reading) about what makes your day wonderful actually has such a powerful impact on the psyche that it can actually make other people happy. I've tried doing that in the past but sorrow has overtaken me yet again. This is a reminder to start doing a gratitude journal once again.

Additionally, her writing about her pets always has some happy factor in it that makes me laugh. Compared to Maitri, I am actually a cat lover but I still find her pug entries fun. Dogs still has some charm over me but I would rather prefer cats over dogs. Here at home, we also have some sort of a zoo going on. We have a cat named Doggie. My sister named her like that because my aunt called her Muning (Tagalog name for almost every cat a Filipino family could have). The cat recently gave birth so we also have 3 kittens. We also have a cage full of love birds (budgies actually). Then there are the 3 mynas (Sweetheart, Honey and Darling), the 2 cockatiels, 2 sparrows (I really don't know what they are really), the dogs (Taneki, named after one of my louder aunts who's nickname is NekNek; Aladar, yes from the movie Dinosaur; and Bogart; Seph, our german shepherd, recently passed away), the monkeys (Takeshi and Kail), my dragonfin fish (Jetsam), the goldfishes, and the hamsters. If you will notice, Maitri and I have almost the same number of pets.

Unfortunately for me, I cannot post the pictures of our pets here because I have a deadly curse that I couldn't break. When I take a picture of a pet, the pet dies. So sorry for not posting my pets' pictures.

And then, there is this little thing she calls her garden. Take a look at her banner. Maitri's house is so gloriously covered around with flowers! I love it. She also takes photographs of her plants. Her profile picture has one, if you've noticed.

The last time that I read through her blog was just 2 days ago. Sadly, her mother has become ill and considering her age, might not live through it. I ask that everybody pray for her and Maitri as well. Pray to give strength in this most trying of times.

I hope you are reading this Maitri. Hugs!

Good afternoon!

Wow! Look at me! I have made another skin in just two days. This is very productive for me, considering that I have been neglecting my personal blogs for a long while now. Although I post on them from time to time, I really enjoy writing here in my interest site.

I guess, the reason why I enjoy posting here is because I am a visual person. I enjoy looking at things presented in an organized manner. I prefer colors compared to rhymes. I even remember book pages that has a weird pattern when you look only at the blank spaces. Hahaha! Weird , huh? !

More over, I find it easier to do layouts instead of poetry or prose because it really doesn't take out too much of my energies. With skins, you just have to make your web browser follow your tags and that is it! Compared to, let's say, poetry, I would have to think about how to cut lines, think of appropriate words and maintain logic while whittling metaphors in.

*static in the air*

And I just thought of something.... Most people don't really read poetry. On a site, they just skim and skim until something catches their fancy. At that point, they begin to read. So I guess I just really gave up one passion for another.

Fret not my friends. The Language has not left me in silence yet. I still have the skills, it's just skins I want to do right now.

And with that, I leave you with my latest skin, Fantasy Love.

Skin peeling is always good. Not only does it shed your blemishes off, it also shows that everyday, we change, and mostly, it's for the better! Cheers!

-this is statement that is so out of line, I am amazed that I still kept it here.

Skin making. Sounds like something freaky and grotesque to me. Maybe because it reminds me of Hannibal Lecter and the things that he could do.

What I meant was how to make blog skins. On an earlier post, I have reminded myself that I would give credit to the people and sites that have contributed in my skin making activities so here's a quick rundown of my essential sites when I make my skins.

The following are more technical; these are my references and my tools when I am doing my html coding.

1. W3SCHOOLS - Whenever I have doubt about my html coding or when I forget what attribute to put in a particular css, I go to this site. W3SCHOOLS have helped me a lot to become the skin maker that I am. This is where I truly learned to write html and css. As I always say, "When in doubt, log on to W3SCHOOLS!"
2. Real-Time HTML Editor - This is where I usually do all my coding because I can see how my skin would look like instantly. True to its name, you will really see the codes rendering right before your eyes. But of course, there's the good old fashioned notepad-save-ie-refresh style but this site makes life a lot easier for me.

Onto the artistic side, meaning, where I get most of my background-images, buttons, gradients, etc.

1. Wallpaper Abyss - They say "Thousands of free Wallpaper[s]" and it really is true. How wonderful to see a dizzying amount of art all in one site. I give them credit for being able to compile such a wide assortment of wallpapers.
2. GRSites - If I'm looking for gradients, banners, fonts, buttons and background textures, this is where I go. I use this mainly because of how easy it is that I remember the site name and it's easy to navigate this site. In addition to that, storage of your logo or button can actually be done on site so no problem when you get the url for the src="" of your <img> tag.
3. flickr - For my images, I use flickr most of the time because I can easily get the url for the image I want to use and it has 10MB of storage/mo so I don't get into storage space problems.
4. Here's a quick rundown of my other image online sources: DeviantArt, Flaming Text, Cool Text, Google Image Search, Yahoo and all the other search engines out there.
5. For photo editing, I use the basics like Microsoft Paint and for major alterations, Adobe Photoshop.
6. For a quick and consistent color scheme, I always use the Palette Generator from Big Huge Labs associated with flickr. Although I didn't use the Blog Header from BHL, I would also like to recommend that for a quick and no sweat blog header image.

Now, onto hosting. Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way, I put my skins on BlogSkins and you can find me there. Be my friend there and let's help other people beautify their blogs! Blogging of course is done through Blogger, although you could use other free blogging clients like WordPress, Tabulas, and LiveJournal.

As I was going through my daily surfing I came across this previous work of mine. I think the image will say it all.

Here's another thought:

"You don't have the right to ruin my day! Only I have the right!"

Ok, so the impact is lost in translation. That quote originally was thought of in Tagalog so here's how it should really go:

"Wala kang karapatang sirain ang araw ko! Ako lang!"

As my close friends know, I am more of a sarcastic joker. Most of the time, I get to the punch line in the manner of delivery (so forgive me if it seems to be an arrogant statement).

Actually, this is part of my subliminal suggestions to myself to not be so damn angry all the time. Partly, also a reminder to everybody that we all have choices; a choice not to be let down by other people. In fact, nobody can make you feel bad about yourself or just about anything. It's only you who can ruin your day by letting other people get to you. So whenever people start bitch slapping you... you know the line to say and you know where you heard it from.

One of my fave singers have just released a new song! Yey!

It's called Can You Hear Me. It made me happy to hear this song so here I am sharing this to everybody. Waah! I'm into soccer frenzy when I hear this song!

Ok so as promised, I have a new skin called No Time Left. This is in BlogSkins once again (a lot simpler, I already put my personal touch on this blog, obviously). I know the thumbnail (it's a pretty big thumbnail, alright!) is blurry but the current skin today is that skin so please forgive me.

This is in tribute to my dearly departed friend, Pits. I just figured that there really is no time but now. If we are to do the things we should be doing, better now than later. I hope people will like this.

Honestly, I took too long to make this skin because I wanted to find the perfect banner for this skin. Good thing I don't tire easily when browsing for this (although it took me about two days of hunting). The original picture was black and white so I also did some tweaking on this image. Of course, my favorite color is green so I made it greenish and then, lo and behold! Purple managed to weasel it's way in to the palette. Hahaha! Don't get me wrong, I like the color puple (sounded like Oprah's movie). It's just that it reminds me of eggplants whenever I see those two colors together.

By the way, I almost forgot. Thanks to the Palette Generator on Big Huge Labs for helping me be as consistent as possible, in terms of the colors on my skins. I always have to remind myself on some things. This is a reminder to put a page for my skin making tools here in this blog.

Here's the link to my No Time Left skin.

On a lighter, less blog related note, I was watching MYX yesterday and I saw Enrique Iglesias with a new video. It's called Can You Hear Me. Read more on this at The Devil's Pen.

Here's another skin that I made for Blogger. Again, this is posted on BlogSkins and for this skin, nobody rated this yet. I know it's sad. But anyway, you can still download this here.

So this other one is actually harder to make because I had to process the image. The toucan was supposed to have black feathers and an orange and yellow beak. However, I found black too depressing at the time so I got trusty old MS Paint and just inverted the color and cropped the image.

After a few lines of html and css, there you have it. This is just pretty mediocre for me because this skin and the Garden skin I posted prior to this were actually the first two that I had the guts to publish on BlogSkins.

As always, comments are appreciated, especially those that can change me for the better.

I have nothing to really blog about today so I just decided to put the older skins that I have already made from blogskins here.

This is a pretty simple skin called Garden because I wanted to have orange flowers when I get to build my own garden. Too bad for me, I haven't gotten around to saving enough money for that. According to BlogSkins, I got 89 downloads of this skin so far and I got 4.5 stars (not too bad considering the highest score is 5 stars) for this particular skin. This is available to download on BlogSkins. Here's the link to my Garden skin.

Basically this has 2 columns, one for a sidebar on the left side and of course, the posts on the right. When I was making this, I also put a background music but I left it out since it's too tedious to host it on the web.

Skins for July! Got tow already!!!

• No Time Left - posted on July 2, 2008. In memory of Pits.
• Fantasy Love - posted on July 5, 2008. Addictive! This is the current skin!

As I was going home, I was contemplating the sad fact that I have stumbled into a blogskin writer's block. Most probably because I have been dumbfounded as to what images or theme I would need to use and how to execute the layout.

I have two kinds of layout in mind: a, is to make it professional and light but heavy on CSS or b, to make it image heavy but light on css and embellishment. Since I am bogged down by such a dilemma, I went foraging for blogskin ideas thru the links that I could click on by MyBlogLog.

As I was doing that, I visited one of my contacts there. Her name is Robyn Tippins. You can click on her link on the previous sentence to go to her profile in MyBlogLog. As I was saying, I read her post on Practical Blogging about blog monetization and I found it so interesting. I mean who wouldn't want to earn money just by blogging... right? My eyes displayed dollar signs and I even heard ka-chings! from my pc speakers while I was reading the posts.

I felt greedy and wanted to do the steps that she proposed on there. I was tempted to visit the links that she posted but I remembered one crucial thing... I was not getting enough traffic into this blog so I went on another direction. I tried reading how to increase blog traffic on my blog.

At that point I came to stumble upon this post from EyeEarn Blog featuring 10 easy steps to follow to increase a blog's traffic.I found that step #8 is the easiest for me to do right now since I was blog surfing and I enjoyed that. Hehe! I found it very interesting and I will definitely follow the other steps listed there but I just had to tell you about those sites to help you in this crusade of getting ideas across to more people.

Ok, I've posted this, see you soon, and hopefully, I see more people going here in my blog. Everything changes, hopefully, for the better.

While I was updating my blog sometime this past week, I got a text message coming from my friend Lovie. Nung una, I was very happy to hear from her because I lost my phone due to freakin' stupidity (kwento ko na lang some other time). Anyway, she said she has some news about one of our dearest friends back in college.

When I clicked on "read" on my cel... guess what!? She said our friend Pits died.

Hindi ko na alam ang iisiipin ko. This year, dalawa nang kaibigan ko ang namatay. First was Muller. He was one of my office mates. Ngayon naman, si Pits. Kung nalungkot ako sa pagkawala ni Muller, mas malungkot ako sa pagkawala ni Pits dahil mas matagal na kaming magkakilala.

When we met, nagkasundo na kami kaagad. That was in the basketball area of LaSalle during the recruitment week for school orgs. Dahil ako ang VP for Tambayan, siyempre andun ako, manning the booth. Napakakulit na mama yan si Pits. Palatawa pa. Jokester and sometimes, the subject of his own jokes is himself. Mabait pa yan. He would attend our weekly prayer meetings and iyakan ng bayan. Pag may mga problema ang mga tao, marunong siya makinig and to give his own advice.

And then of course, there was the good times. Sa kanya ko natutunan ang katagang sprite genie (sprite na may gin). Madalas kami mag-inuman and he would even let everybody stay in his place kapag inabot na kami ng hating-gabi just to keep everybody safe.

Sabi ni Lovie, next Friday na daw ang funeral. But the thing is, nasa Binangonan ang wake and I don't know how to get there. Hopefully makapunta ako sa burol man lang.

To every body that reads this post, please play this game called High Delivery from Orisinal.com. Each flower you collect gets offered to Pit's memory.

Ok so pinost ko na nga sa blogskins tong layout na to. Guess what, I got two full star ratings. At dahil jan, I want to thank my sponsors, Wallpaper Abyss for providing such stunning backgrounds that we could use. And of course, Windows Live Writer for letting me blog without signing onto Blogger anymore.

Oh and speaking of Windows Live, I would like to let everyone know that Microsoft has this free blog publisher that you can download. To get a copy of your own Windows Live Writer, just log on to Windows Live.

Mabilis lang ang download. Pag ni-run mo na, parang nagpopost ka lang sa sarili mong blog and you still have the option of viewing your post as it will appear on your blog without publishing it yet. Same thing with photo blogging and video blogging, this program also features an easy way of uploading your media to your preffered online photo/video gallery like Picasa or Flickr. Not only that, you can also toggle between blogs that you manage especially if you have different blogs like me. I got four that I maintain at napabayaan already because tamad ako. It's a good thing about that kind of feature.

You may even post tags, and add plugins to your post. Plus, you can also add effects to the pictures to make them either pop out of the text or just plain blend them in as B&W. So there, you may actually be able to post everyday on your blog. Take it from me, super tamad ko talaga magpost. And this is my second day of posting for this blog. Hahaha! For more of the features, you can log on to the info page of Windows Live Writer.

Ok, stay tuned for the next update. Laging may nagbabago.

Ok so finally me desisyon na akong ginawa. Magboblog na lang ako ng mga blog skins na likha ko. Alam mo na, trip trip lang. Dito ko ilalagay sa blog na ito ang mga bago kong blog skins dahil simula pa nung una akong natutong magblog, andami ko na nagawang skin, kaya lang nawala na ang mga yon.

Dito ko ibubuhos ang aking kaadikan sa pag gawa ng mga blog skins. Bwahaha!

Kung sisipagin, magiging source din 'to ng mga skins for all other blogging sites, or at least ng Multiply.... *evil look at Multiply* Bwahahaha...

Now, as the first installment of my blog skinning (weh... bagong term ba yon?), here's what I call Artistic Kabuki na inspired by the anime Amatsuki. Here's a screen shot:

Looks family diba? E kung di ka rin naman pala tung@k... e yan ang skin ng blog na to ngayon e. If you like this, pwede mo to idownload from blogskins and click mo lang ang title ng skin na to. Bayad ko ha... ehhehe, siyempre joke lang, this is all shareware, just don't say you made it because hell knows, ako ang gumawa nito, and if I go to hell now, I've already made a deal with the devil, kapalit ng pagbalik ko sa lupa, ay ang kaluluwa ng laksa-laksang taong kinaiinisan ko at gumawa ng mali laban sa akin. Just give me my due credit. Hindi ako madamot. There, enjoy na lang sa pagdownload nito. Hopefully, I will make an impact in your blog.

So folks, stay tuned, maraming magbabago. Lahat naman diba?

I am still in my literary slump. Still a blank page.

I am burning my lungs out... smoke... dying neurons because of lack of sleep. Broken hearted? Not really, not so much heart left in me.

After a very late breakfast of cornflakes and coffee, I decided to turn on the TV to watch anything at all that the boob tube could dish out and I saw this local movie called "Ang Cute ng Ina Mo."

The heroine said a line that touched my heart. One that makes me think to revise this blog to a lighter note; move away from The Devil's grip.

She said, "How do I compete with 20 years that we've been apart?" -- ok short background, she got separated from her daughter who was taken to Australia and she tried everything to get to her. Her daughter visited her after so long and she tried her best to compensate for her absence.

It's just amazing for me to think that after so long, she never forgot her daughter and after 20 long years, she still had the will power to say that she will try hard to make up for the years that she wasn't there.

Now a thought occurred to me. If you've been in a relationship and then another person comes along and says to you, "I know you've been with your (bf/gf) for (x number of years) and I know that is hard to compare to but although I know it would be hard for me to win you over, I will face that head-on." What will you say to that then...?

Gee, I've found out that windows has this windows live writer that lets me write blog entries without signing onto blogger anymore. This will make my life much easier and I will be able to write blog entries faster. I feel that this is convenient for me. hopefully, I can end my spell of literary blankness. haha

Here's a quick list of my skins for this month.Feel free to browse through them. If you want, you may download the skin, just don't forget to give me credit. Thanks!

• Garden - originally posted on April 23, 2008 on BlogSkins.
• Toucan - originally posted on April 23, 2008 on BlogSkins.
• Artistic Kabuki - posted on June 26, 2008.

Sometime last Feb, a Goodah!!! branch opened up near my place and eversince I saw it, I had a foolish and inordinate desire to eat there. I guess it got the best of me so one Wed morning, I just woke up, got dressed and up and left to go to Goodah!!!.

Since they had to cook the food I ordered, I had to amuse myself so instead of staring at a couple on the opposite side of the place, I took pictures of the place and this photo came out nicely. Initially, it was in color but it didn't have the appeal that I was looking for so I reshot the scene under a sepia filter and voila, here it is!

The last person who massaged me died.

Somehow, for some crazy, twisted reason I have, I blame myself partly for Muller's death. Perhaps, if things haven't happened that way on that fateful Saturday, he was still alive.

That Saturday, my shoulders and back were aching from stress. All my muscles were tight. My back felt like it was about to snap and my shoulders felt a pull that I could describe as wanting to fold me in half. In addition to that, I was not feeling emotionally well that day.

I've always told my friends that I am an emotional vampire and I could suck a person's energy, like a vampire, only I suck emotional and psychic energy rather than blood.

In retrospect, perhaps I drained him of his last remaining energy resisting his impending heart attack.

What if I did not ask him to massage me?

Would he still be alive?

We've been friends for a long time now. From what I could recall, I met her when I was in my second year of college. That was 2001 then. We shared a whole lot and we instantly became friends. At that time, she was reading tarot cards for me and I treassured her advice.

We were both poetry writers at the school literary folio. After that though, she found her niche writing prose instead from what I can say, she does it well and good. And what a good segway to put in her link here on this post.

Featuring Kate: Walks Around the Village, a blog full of interesting shorts about random pictures she finds. Kudos Kate!

Since I don't have any post of my own, I'd like to post one song I heard that has poetry in it. Actually, all her songs have poetry in it but here it is... Bethlehem by Paula Cole

Bethlehem by Paula Cole

Pulling on the apron strings looking up
Standing on the chair to be grown up
I feel so little, I need my pillow
I hate the time, I hate the clock
I want to be a dog or I want to be a rock

Sunday's pancakes Miss Mary Mack
Color Polariods show my heart attack
In my second-hand pants and dusty shoes
The day that the playground laughed at my shoes
It's my birthday next week and what I want please
Is to turn on the heat so the fish won't freeze
The fish in the tank froze and died last week
Oh I want to be a dog or I want to be a leaf

Quarry miners, fishermen
In my town of Bethlehem
Picket fences, church at ten
No star above my Bethlehem

Now I'm only 16 and I think I have an ulcer
I'm hiding my sex behind a dirty sweatshirt
I've lost five pounds these past few days
Trying to be class president and get straight A's, well,
Who gives a shit about that anyway?
I want to be a dog or a lump of clay

Chorus

Still I'm tired of standing still
Tired of living - still
Everyday I dream of leaving

Everybody's talking about Becky's bust
The boys on the basketball team just fuck
The same ten girls, who don't know who they are
They're looking for some comfort in the back of a car
The six-packs of beer, the locker room jeers
I don't want to be me, I don't want to be here

Chorus

Red brick schoolhouse, dead end dirt roads, daffodils
No star above my Bethlehem

I want to be a dog or I want to be a rock
I don't want to be me, I don't want to be here

While at work, I received the most bothering and shocking of all news I will ever get this week. This would really ace the list, though at the moment of discovery, the date was only May 5th, 2008, a Monday.

Last Thursday's result night of American Idol featured Natasha Bedingfield with a song I just heard that night called Pocket Full of Sunshine.

Naturally, since she is one of my favorite artists, I'm here to publish the video I found of Pocket Full of Sunshine. I found a flash version of the video and this is the first time I'm posting a video that did not come from youtube so I don't exactly know if this will display on every body's computer but hey, here it is. This is so brilliant!




For more music and information about Natasha Bedingfield, you could log on to her official website, natashabedingfield.com.

My inkwell is dry. I haven't written any poetry for so long now. I cannot even retrieve my old poems unless I dig through a very thick pile of dust.

Although that is the case, I will just share a thought:

"Hindi lang iisa ang lasa ng sarap!"

Oh no! When I woke up today, the glitch was still there.

Thank God the glitch is now ok. No more comments from me now. Just a sigh of relief.

I don't really know why there is a difference between http://www.talesofthewaywardtraveler.blogspot.com and http://talesofthewaywardtraveler.blogspot.com but if you click on these 2 links, you will find out something as I have just recently found out. This kinda alleviated one of my biggest nightmares w/c is to start over on a different site because I like blogger. It's so convenient. Oh well.

So OK, pls just update your urls back to this blog. Thanks!

Reinvention means to recreate one thing from a pre-existing object; not entirely the same, not radically different; as always, should be better than the latest.

Rchrdlee is all about reinventing his weblog but has tired of making different ones whenever he got to doing a new blog skin. He has about 10 blogs but most of them died already because part of Chad also died long ago. Practically, this blog is all about blogskins but essentially, this is to help in evolving not only as a web developer but also as a person.

A dear friend, Rob, gasped when he heard of the creation of a new blog yet again. The fear of change should not be welcomed, nor criticism that could hurt. This is to welcome change and to embrace it head on. This is also an attempt to hold on to old memories; some were already lost in the hustle and bustle of remembering usernames, passwords and email addresses for password retrieval.

It's just a shame that to gain some, we lose some.

This is also a facet of the ever-changing Richard. A lighter one; less guarded; less dark and heavy; but to some extent, this is also an anti-septic version (for lack of a better word). Less philosophical than who Rchrd really is.

Nevertheless, there is always change, just hope it's for the better.

its been so long since I last burbled here in my stream of thoughts. I am still wallowing in my own thoughts. drowning in confusion.

I've been monitoring my site for the last 12hrs and I still can't see my posts. I'm getting aggravated.　Ｉ　ｄｏｎｔ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈａｔ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ．

There is something terribly wrong with my blog. I am not able to see my latest posts!

I saw the Exorcism of Emily Rose tonight. It gives me the creeps with all the hair on my back standing on end. It made me think a lot about the dark side again. Nothing much to tell about it though.

On a heavier note, I saw Discovery's Inside and it featured the Tennessee State Penitentiary for women. There's a part there that made me say, " Damn! Talk about a double edge blade! " This is the toughest catch 21 I've ever encountered.

The show featured a mother-and-daughter in-mate. The mom was going free earlier than her daughter. The problem is, the mom is sick and might just die before her daughter is set free.

Then, there's this woman who broke a parole duty. In her defense, she said she had to attend to her mom in Texas who had an injury: the elevator the mom was riding fell 4 floors. Since she rushed to her mom's side, she failed to inform her parole officer. That's why she went in again. Catch? She just found out 3 days ago, she is pregnant.

Here's the thing that will take the whole cake. Freedom is about choices. Here, an inmate was sentenced to death but the state of Tennessee banned electrocution. Good thing? You spoke too soon. Now, she has to decide if she wants to be executed using lethal injection or still go through the electric chair shebang!

So here I am contemplating about the sadness that we call the human condition.

Indeed, hell is here on earth. It's the devil's playground. And I am left with my mouth gaping open.

Today I learned that I can do speech recognition on my computer. This is so fun but I feel like I'm an idiot. This entire entry has been written using speech recognition. Dictating to the computer needs a lot of getting used to. It's kinda hard but then enjoying.

This pendant is due for a major cleaning.

My officemate JC asked me if I could scan this so he can have a design made for him to get this tattooed on his skin. My wiccan friends also compliment me whenever they see this around my neck.

I find that this pendant was really meant to be mine. There is actually a story behind this pendant.

One morning, as I was off to work, I felt a sudden attack of melancholy. I was sad all day, unresponsive. I didn't even pay close attention to what I was doing at work. I got easily irritated. Then, I was working as a recruitment associate for a big call center in Makati. I had to interview aspiring customer service agents and assess their communicatio skills and also check if they had enough smarts to talk to customers. I never thought that the simples question, "Can you tell me about yourself?" could actually spark so much disdain in me, depending on the answer. Hahaha!

Anyway, the point is all day, I was so messed up. When we got off from work, my friend Reva asked me how I planned to get home. I said I don't know and she asked if I could walk with her to Glorietta where she is meeting a friend. I said yes.

As we were walking in the mall, I saw this pendant and said I had to buy that. I didn't have much cash with me at that time so I decided against it. Reva's friend texted her and we went to meet her friend and we parted ways. Then, this mania came over me to go to all my bank's atms and withdrew all my money. The ending is, I bought the pendant anyway and it made my day.

It changed my mood from then on. So anytime I felt sad, I just hold my pendant between my fingers and remind myself how it changed my mood then.

created Tuesday, ‎January ‎01, ‎2008, ‏‎7:54:20 AM
taken using my Nokia 6131 phone with 1.3 MP resolution

The light of the moon is sometimes a burden that reminds me, Light is always heavier than darkness. Darkness always subsides whenever Light impresses its presence. Could it be that the new moon is affecting me? I am feeling a mean streak coming over me.

Two days ago, I got little stones stuck inside my shoe. It was uncomfortable. Every step, the pebbles stabbed at my soles and I felt the sharpness. The next day, going to work, of course I had to put on the same pair of shoes and I deliberately left the pebbles in my right shoe.

I had this notion that it will be my constant reminder that life is hard but we must keep moving on. With the same discomfort and pain, I went to work, finished my 10 hour shift and even went out to brunch with my office friends. Still each step was a tad painful but after a while, the little stones got crushed under my weight. By the time I got home, there was practically no trace of the pebbles that got stuck in my shoe.

Lessons in life can always be found in the simplest of things.

Monday, I felt like I am being dragged into another work week with my new sched (w/c is totally shit from my point of view). Imagine going to work on Monday, 9pm and going home at 8am. I was rushing for the day to be over and done with. Good thing I will have one rest day after my Monday shift.

Tuesday, I met with my friend Vanni and we went to Festival Mall. By the way, Tuesday is payday. I was in a mall with a lot of money and I was only able to buy 1 shirt. Talk about being stingy.

Wednesday, This day was a godsend. Globe Broadband came to install my internet connection. I am so glad that I am now connected.

Thursday, My family friend Akira wanted to surf on the web using his laptop in my house so he put in a wi-fi setup here. Its crazy. After just a day, I got wi-fi here. It's really crazy. Hahah

Friday, If I was anxious about Monday, I am more anxious to get this day over and done with. I mean my shift. But before that, when I arrived home I found 3 computers lying around my room. I can't sleep in my room today.

That is all. Hehehe

Life has been hard for me. My life this year has been a flurry of feet scuffling, typewriter keys tapping a cacophony, a million "Thank you for calling... 's," and a lot of contracts signed.

I have been working hard to earn my keep. To earn my family's bread and butter. Hahaha! That is correct. Bread and butter. Well enough of the chitchat. I'll just sleep a bit.

Hey! Interested in contacting me? You can email me at rchrd.v.8.19@gmail.com.

Rchrd is Richard Bernal.

Rchrd is a 24-year old aspiring artist who realized that even without vowels, a person can still read his name properly. In fact, he prefers to hear his name with the vowels muted.

On any given day, he is full of ideas. Some would say that he is neurotic. Partly, that is true - he thinks that he is a reptile. Thus, the snake in the header.

He loves the color green.

He loves to read poetry, among other things. He also writes poems and stories, but he loves poetry more. He is also an amateur photographer, artist, and web layout artist. This is his definition of those things. Thus, he reads and defines his existence on cyberspace in this little blog called Readefine Rchrd.

First of all, I have edited my link for my friend Reich's blog. She can now be read at Santuario De Mi Corazon. Please, read her blog. It's a great place to find strength and wisdom from a girl who has been tested and has shown her worth.

On the other hand, you all know that I have already moved out of my parent's house, right? Guess what?! I think we have a ghost in the apartment. It all happened the other night. I was preparing to take a bath in the evening so I went upstairs to my room. I got my towel and I started walking out the door when I heard "pssst" three times. I felt it was directed to me. I was curious to see where the sound was coming from. I was about to go back inside my room when I decided against it and I just went down the stairs instead. Hahaha!

This might actually come to be a shock for most people who know me as a dead-beat homebody but I am set to move out of my parents house this weekend. I am hoping that I would learn a lot from this especially doing chores in the house. Hee hee. I am so unreliable when it comes to house chores for one very plain reason: I know that there would be somebody in our house that could do a certain task for me.

Here I go again with my incessant traveling on the web. I found this cool blog called http://www.todolistblog.com. I found it very personal but has a flavour that you would want to read from start to finish. I liked it because I felt the intensity. I found that only a few people have that kind of voice nowadays. Even I have given up on my delusions.

On a more pressing note, I just noticed that I am getting very depressed and neurotic. Stir-crazy. This has got to stop but I don't know how. Feels like the Blackhole is coming back.

This is the first time I've gone to work on a Saturday night. The call floor is as deserted as a sunken parking lot. The nearest person from my station is like 10 yards away. I can hear my own heart beat as I walked the hallway. The elevator ride feels odd enough to give me goosebumps. When I went to the lung center area to smoke, there was no one. It's not really that I am scared or anything. I have seen more things that other people won't even dream about. It just doesn't feel right. I even came close to the thought that I do not have a shift tonight. I so want to go home and just continue watching Supernatural.

When you are at that point where everything bad happens at the same time, it is so easy to falter. Let me recount my version of a bad 2 weeks.
1. I lost my phone. It got stolen while I was on a bus, sleeping.
2. My volleyball team lost another game.
3. My credit card bill is piling up. More bills are on their way.
4. I don't have money to pay for my bills.
5. I am still suffering from sorethroat. Got fever and cough too.
6. And you will like this one, Nov. 20, 12:32pm - Nov. 21, 6:30am, I hiccuped non-stop.
Can anybody beat that? Looking back at it, I just want to laugh.

i lost my old phone. i am now demoted to a 8250 phone but in december, i will be buying another one.

here's my new number. esp for kathy... and atchie. and rob. and bunny. hehehe

0906 272 1804

for those guys who just passed by and wants to text me, that would be fine. i'd like to make this loss into something good. perhaps this is a way for me to get new friends... just let me know who you are and don't forget to tell me you got my number on my blog. for sure, if i have the phone credits, and i am not sleeping, i will reply.