Last Monday, the moon was almost full and it was stained with a yellow tinge. I am not really sure if it was still waxing or if it was already waning. Nevertheless, it still proved to be one of the loveliest sights I have seen all week. Contrasted against the dark sky and framed in feathery clouds, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend, Jayvie. We were talking about how wonderful it is to be in the light once again. In retrospect, we both experienced dark times and he is so glad that we were both in the light once again.

Jayvie was saying that it is so hard to be in the dark. There, he experienced sorrow and loneliness. He felt he did not have any purpose or direction in life during those times that he called dark times. He absolutely hated the idea.

On the other hand, I felt, and still feel, the opposite towards the dark. I never really hated the dark. Even though we felt the same kinds of emotions, I have maintained a kinder attitude towards the dark. Although I love light, I have also learned that darkness is also my friend.

As I was telling him the other day, my life has always been a cycle of light and dark moments. One of my friends, Cace, told me that I am one of the few people she knows that radiates happiness and optimism even in the saddest or most desperate of times. She referred to me as the sun; this tag felt so relevant to me because under my star sign, as a leo, my ruling planet is the sun. Usually, I am happy most of the year but there are definite times that I really feel miserable and sad. Before my birthday comes, I feel depressed. After that, I usually go back to becoming a star for a lot of people but once December comes, I usually feel depressed again. This kind of cycle goes on year after year.

Even though I feel miserable at times, I never really hated the darkness. If I am a sun during my happy times, I have always thought that I was a black hole when I feel sad. I remember a few dark nights when I cried myself to sleep as I clutched at my chest, believing that there is a black hole inside. If I radiate with happiness when I am the sun, I tend to gain a lot of strength and power when I am a black hole. I guess, it is the idea that a black hole has a great gravitational pull that makes me feel and think I am strong and mighty.

During dark times, I tend to be more creative. I tend to make most of my poetry, although just in the literal sense: at night. I got to solidify most of my principles in life during those hard trying times. I guess, that was back in 2005 when I formulated my own version of the Golden Rule: "Hindi lumiligaya ang taong humahadlang sa ligaya ng iba." During that year, that was also when I got to pull some of my closest friends to be at my side. I got close to Vince, who practiced wicca, and we shared the power of our words. When I asked for advice from Vince, he replied to me in a poem and this is what he said:

Chad,
Hi! Don't feel lost.
Read on:
The light is never lost.
It is vast as the ocean
And we are its
children.
We swim in the darkness
While the light is on everyside,
Mothering us when we struggle.
It is not lost,
But waits to be
grasped
Recognise the love of it
Like a dew saluting the sun
In the
humility of the morning.
-Vincent Oliver

Although it took a while for me to be happy once again, that poem proved to be so meaningful to me that I was able to write a poem and make a whole new blog.

I guess I really need to fall into a cycle of dark and light. I need time to recharge my spiritual energies during dark times so that in times of light, I am able to shine bright, strong and true. I have learned to embrace the darkness as an integral part of life. It may be a cliche but it is true that a star can only shine in the darkest of nights.