Written Contusions

First of all, I have edited my link for my friend Reich's blog. She can now be read at Santuario De Mi Corazon. Please, read her blog. It's a great place to find strength and wisdom from a girl who has been tested and has shown her worth.

On the other hand, you all know that I have already moved out of my parent's house, right? Guess what?! I think we have a ghost in the apartment. It all happened the other night. I was preparing to take a bath in the evening so I went upstairs to my room. I got my towel and I started walking out the door when I heard "pssst" three times. I felt it was directed to me. I was curious to see where the sound was coming from. I was about to go back inside my room when I decided against it and I just went down the stairs instead. Hahaha!

This might actually come to be a shock for most people who know me as a dead-beat homebody but I am set to move out of my parents house this weekend. I am hoping that I would learn a lot from this especially doing chores in the house. Hee hee. I am so unreliable when it comes to house chores for one very plain reason: I know that there would be somebody in our house that could do a certain task for me.

Here I go again with my incessant traveling on the web. I found this cool blog called http://www.todolistblog.com. I found it very personal but has a flavour that you would want to read from start to finish. I liked it because I felt the intensity. I found that only a few people have that kind of voice nowadays. Even I have given up on my delusions.

On a more pressing note, I just noticed that I am getting very depressed and neurotic. Stir-crazy. This has got to stop but I don't know how. Feels like the Blackhole is coming back.

This is the first time I've gone to work on a Saturday night. The call floor is as deserted as a sunken parking lot. The nearest person from my station is like 10 yards away. I can hear my own heart beat as I walked the hallway. The elevator ride feels odd enough to give me goosebumps. When I went to the lung center area to smoke, there was no one. It's not really that I am scared or anything. I have seen more things that other people won't even dream about. It just doesn't feel right. I even came close to the thought that I do not have a shift tonight. I so want to go home and just continue watching Supernatural.

When you are at that point where everything bad happens at the same time, it is so easy to falter. Let me recount my version of a bad 2 weeks.
1. I lost my phone. It got stolen while I was on a bus, sleeping.
2. My volleyball team lost another game.
3. My credit card bill is piling up. More bills are on their way.
4. I don't have money to pay for my bills.
5. I am still suffering from sorethroat. Got fever and cough too.
6. And you will like this one, Nov. 20, 12:32pm - Nov. 21, 6:30am, I hiccuped non-stop.
Can anybody beat that? Looking back at it, I just want to laugh.

i lost my old phone. i am now demoted to a 8250 phone but in december, i will be buying another one.

here's my new number. esp for kathy... and atchie. and rob. and bunny. hehehe

0906 272 1804

for those guys who just passed by and wants to text me, that would be fine. i'd like to make this loss into something good. perhaps this is a way for me to get new friends... just let me know who you are and don't forget to tell me you got my number on my blog. for sure, if i have the phone credits, and i am not sleeping, i will reply.

It is uncanny how the rain would let us swell up with melancholy or be misty eyed with nostalgia. The lightest of gray in the sky, the most scattered shower and the softest of cool breezes would most often than not, launch us into a frenzy of memories, lovers past, and happy times gone by. The cold will lead us to look into the farthest reaches of recollection for that comforting embrace of a lover beside our beds but when you look to your side, it will just be the same cold, still lingering in the sheets that we still find. And soon, a warm tear might actually find its way down the side of our cheeks.

That was how I felt earlier this morning when I arrived home. I am still feeling sick. I got another bout of pharyngitis and I am thinking of having my tonsils taken out. Still thinking about credit card payments. Bills. Worries.

I tried my best to fall asleep as soon as I could so I could run away from the loneliness brought on by the rain.

Hey there! Long-time-no-post. Hehehe.

Before anything else, Kate sorry, I was not able to wait for you to watch Stardust.

I watched it yesterday and I enjoyed it. One of Neil Gaiman's lighter works. I think because of the idea of the star... This movie wouldn't give a damn clue that Gaiman wrote this. Compared to Mirror Mask, this movie featured brightness, love and evil in a better mood. Non-surreal if I may say. Some might not even like this movie because it is so uncharacteristic of Gaiman. Hehehe... I didn't feel a heavy gloom in the whole story. I liked the concepts especially the Babylon Candles.

"The fastest way to travel is by candlelight." If the Babylon Candles were sold in stores, I guess it would be the best buy line that the box could ever bear.

No summary for you, you might ask? Well that is because I am not a party-pooper and I hate giving away the whole story. I'll just tell you to watch it and have fun. Better bring a date as well because the official website says it is the best date movie of 2007 so far.

Yey!!! I have made 2 new blog templates... hopefully I could upload them in blogskins for you guys if you need a new template. I am kinda wanting to change the layout of my blog right now but I kinda like this green template...

I am off to watch Resident Evil Extinction today... Sorry no web reviews for this post nor pics... I'm kinda in a rush... Also, still thinking of buying either a flash drive or a blue tooth adaptor for my sis... Maybe I'll just buy an MP3 Player...

I found this blog... it's very interesting. I am assuming that it is a photo blog because I cannot find any posts with a lot of words... Just pictures and captions. The contents are not so much (maybe because I wasn't able to browse through it long enough) if you think about it but I feel a form of sincerity and a sense of profoundness in the way the pictures from this guy are presented. I like it!!!

Here's the link... http://www.vinceleste.com/blurred/index.php

After so long, after about 2 weeks of non-sleep mode, I was able to get a decent amount of sleep yesterday. . . about 5 hours of sleep. That's not counting the amount of time I have spent sleeping in vans that I ride going home. I feel so stretched, like butter spread on too much bread... de ja vu: I heard that from Bilbo in the LOTR. Hopefully this trend will pick up and increase my sleep time.

A lot of weird things happen to me when I don't get enough sleep. I perceive things in slow motion. Hahaha. I might be going crazy because of sleep deprivation. I haven't even finished reading my book.

I want this week to be done with.

After a long while, I am able to post again. I can hear the Druids of the Claw say, "I'm awake, I'm awake... "

Updates on me,
1. I bought my PC na!!!
2. I got a credit card na!!!
3. I am in debt... hahaha and I still need to pay bills that pile up by the minute (I am now responsible for the electric bill at home... hee hee)

I miss you all. I haven't processed my broadband internet connection application yet so I can't update my blog regularly and I am so busy right now. I miss you Kate...

I am reading American Gods right now. And Warrior of the Light. And Lost Roads. I am sleeping less due to Warcraft. I was nearly eaten alive, chewed and spit out by the new MS Office 2007 on my PC and I am constantly worrying about my credit card bills now. Ha ha ha.

Till next time folks... Ciao!

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Image from The Eye of the Forest by ~Elven-King-R

I was looking back to my old blog in tabulas and I found this picture. Nice...

I was looking back to my old blog in tabulas and I found this picture. Nice...

Wishes anyone? I have found out that in Japan, people tell of a strange artifact called the Monkey's Paw. It is a mummified paw of a monkey and is said to have the power to grant anything that the possessor could wish for.

A few months back, perhaps early February of this year, I found an episode of XXX-holic with this same theme. It was spine tingling.

Now, I have recently finished reading Stephen King's Pet Sematary and the phrase came up again. monkey's paw. After some rummaging through the story, I found out that there is a short story about this devious artifact.

Quick summary: Be careful what you wish for.

Enjoy reading The Monkey's Paw

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photo from http://mrstickman.deviantart.com/art/Chacma-Baboon-43083381

I have been walking around for about a month now in a daze. Every step falls hard and heavy. Treading deeper and deeper into the depths of dream and fantasy.

A few years back, I was in Quiapo and I was out to buy loads of DVDs. In particular, I was looking to buy the Studio Ghibli collection that I saw a few months back. I was ecstatic to find it and I bought it immediately. One of the disks it contained was Pompoko, which is a story about tanukis using their transformation power to save their forest from the construction project for housing. I just thought it would be a nice tale to look up in the net and I have found a cute little story about a tanuki that was challenged by a fox in a transformation contest.

The Fox and the Tanuki

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Autumn Kitsune by *zetallis courtesy again of Deviant Art and the Artist

What if.mp3

A lot of people might not know that Kate Winslet can sing. Enjoy!

I have found this little tale about Anansi the spider. This came from Africa. Anansi is actually a naughty character much like Loki of the Norse. This story came from the Yoruba Tribe from Nigeria. I found this tale on this site.

I have found the click-and-read idea of this website fun and exciting. It gave me the feeling that I am back home when I was 7 and my mom was reading to me my favorite fairy tales at home. Feels like flipping pages...

Heyah! Just wanted to share this picture I got from Deviant Art. I am really having a wonderful time ogling through the wide variety of art that is available in this site.

Kudos to Scarlet-dragonchild for this surreal drawing of the moon. This is called Talk to the Moon.

I have recently updated the look of my blog to this green and white number and I need help. Yesterday, I told my friend Rob about it and asked him to check if the lay out is ok. I needed to check because the computer I was using had a life of its own and I think it went out of its way to bastardize my blog lay out.

As it turns out, when I view my blog in an IE browser, it looks ok but Rob told me otherwise. He was using a Firefox browser. I am feeling paranoid about it so I want to get feedback on how my blog will look like for everybody. Of course I would like to present my blog in a logical and neat manner so please, I would like to get feedback if this blog template looks odd on your browser. Thanks!!!

Oh no... I can feel the pull of the deep blue ocean. My tears are longing to return to the vastness of the sea. I am in a lull. In a hush before the storm. I can feel that the out-of-body feeling is being caused by the approach of August.

Lo and behold. August is here. My birthday is coming up. I don't know what to do yet. I am losing sanity bit by bit.

For the past month and a half, I have grown my nails long. Last week, I shaped them to look like Voldemort's fingernails and 3 days ago, I painted them black. Hahaha! The things I do when the moon is full and the tide of passion is high.

Definitely, I am growing stronger spiritually but I have a long way to go and august is not the right time to be blue.

I have always considered the moon as one of my closest companions in my night-time existence. Last night, I saw the yellowest moon that I have ever seen in my life. This inspired me to string along a few words while I was on the van going to work.



I have walked with the moon in the darkness.

I have held her silvery hand while we were walking on spiderwebs

stretched over spindly stems.

We have rippled a nearby pond with the fleeting reflection we have cast upon its stillness.

She held my hand while she rode on a hawk's eye moth so we could fly away from my bedroom window.



That's what I have so far. I can feel a little bit of melancholy as I am writing this post.

This comes from the first story of the Snow Queen
Which Treats of a Mirror and of the Splinters



Now then, let us begin. When we are at the end of the story, we shall know more than we know now: but to begin.

Once upon a time there was a wicked sprite, indeed he was the most mischievous of all sprites. One day he was in a very good humor, for he had made a mirror with the power of causing all that was good and beautiful when it was reflected therein, to look poor and mean; but that which was good-for-nothing and looked ugly was shown magnified and increased in ugliness. In this mirror the most beautiful landscapes looked like boiled spinach, and the best persons were turned into frights, or appeared to stand on their heads; their faces were so distorted that they were not to be recognised; and if anyone had a mole, you might be sure that it would be magnified and spread over both nose and mouth.

"That's glorious fun!" said the sprite. If a good thought passed through a man's mind, then a grin was seen in the mirror, and the sprite laughed heartily at his clever discovery. All the little sprites who went to his school--for he kept a sprite school--told each other that a miracle had happened; and that now only, as they thought, it would be possible to see how the world really looked. They ran about with the mirror; and at last there was not a land or a person who was not represented distorted in the mirror. So then they thought they would fly up to the sky, and have a joke there. The higher they flew with the mirror, the more terribly it grinned: they could hardly hold it fast. Higher and higher still they flew, nearer and nearer to the stars, when suddenly the mirror shook so terribly with grinning, that it flew out of their hands and fell to the earth, where it was dashed in a hundred million and more pieces. And now it worked much more evil than before; for some of these pieces were hardly so large as a grain of sand, and they flew about in the wide world, and when they got into people's eyes, there they stayed; and then people saw everything perverted, or only had an eye for that which was evil. This happened because the very smallest bit had the same power which the whole mirror had possessed. Some persons even got a splinter in their heart, and then it made one shudder, for their heart became like a lump of ice. Some of the broken pieces were so large that they were used for windowpanes, through which one could not see one's friends. Other pieces were put in spectacles; and that was a sad affair when people put on their glasses to see well and rightly. Then the wicked sprite laughed till he almost choked, for all this tickled his fancy. The fine splinters still flew about in the air: and now we shall hear what happened next.

Summer Arc

The first twelve episodes of the series focus on the day-to-day life of Ayumu Aizawa as he visits his father in the town where he is the local veterinarian. Ayumu has spent his visit thus far aimlessly biking across the valley, but a chance meeting with a girl named Miku sends him searching for a long-lost friend of his, Wakkun. Upon finding Wakkun, he discovers that the boy has not aged since he and Ayumu played as children. Wakkun is also wearing clothes very similar to the raincoat and galoshes that Ayumu wore habitually as a child. Wakkun introduces Ayumu to his two friends, Dosshiru(Doss) and Shisshin(Sence), mysterious flying objects that alternate between a mechanical form and a sphere of yellow light.These lights seem to be invisible to most of the people in town, but appear in reflections in people and animals' eyes. A local reporter, Sukawara, shows up, attracted by reports of kappa and other mysterious events. She follows the animals, notably a cat one of the local boys saw fighting a kappa, to the yellow lights, and grills a reluctant Ayumu for information. Unable to remember the summer he spent in Tana as a child, Ayumu, with the help of Miku and several other people from Tana, tries to understand what happened when he was a child, and the mysterious connection between him, Wakkun, Dosshiru(Doss), and Shisshin(Sense).

Winter Arc

One and a half years later, Kisa Tanigawa, a depressed high school student routinely skips class. One evening, while wandering aimlessly around the city, she stumbles upon another mysterious mechanical object. Naming it "Bun-chan" or "Ping" in the English dub, after the sound it makes, she takes it home and treats it as a pet. When she was building a fish out of old scraps of metal, the fishes top fin does not stay so Bun-chan(Ping)helps glue it on. However, Akira Sukawara, a reporter trying to prove the existence of the mysterious objects that appeared at the Cat Dance in Tana a year and half ago, which she calls "material fairies,", hears about Bun-chan(Ping) and, upon witnessing a meeting between Kisa and Ayumu, terms Bun-chan not a material fairy, but a "material evil," since its outward appearance does not resemble those of the material fairies spotted in Tana. The material fairies and the material evils, however, seem to be at war with each other. When the three meet, Dosshiru(Doss), Shisshin(Sense)and Bun-chan(Ping). Dosshiru(Doss) and Shisshin(Sense) start chassing Bun-chan(Ping) and soon Dosshiru(Doss) and Shisshin(Sense) destroy Bun-chan(Ping), leaving Kisa very upset that Bun-chan(Ping) is gone. After a while the connection of Kisa's fish's metal fin starts glowing. One night the fish turns into a sprite form of Bun-chan(Ping). Kisa then decides to name ot Bob(Eng).The city's population becomes increasingly aware of the situation as pictures of the material evils, spheres of blue light, circulate among cell-phone users, accompanied by rumors that they bring good luck. Murals appear urging people to think and trust themselves. Eventually, a giant spiral, resembling the metal construction of the material evils, appears in the sky, and the police evacuate a section of the city. Some of the same phenomena are present as in Tana, such as the failure of electronic devices.

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*from Wikipedia

check out their official website http://www.zettai-shonen.com/ for more info on Absolute Boy

The Three Incestuous Sisters
by Audrey Niffenegger

I have picked this book up from Powerbooks in Glorietta 3 last year and I wasn't able to put it down. Good thing that the bookstore had an opened sample book for me to read.

Being a surrealist myself, I liked the graphic novel style that it comes in. The pictures are grotesque (I agree with the review from Publishers Weekly) and quite haunting too. It gave a look of darkness born out of an intense desire to covet a precious object. I remember shaking my head as the three sisters scheme to get the man that they all fell in love with. With this in mind, I was thankful that when me and my sister had fights, it didn't escalate to the level these three sisters went to.

Here's a short summary from Associated Content:

There are three sisters: Bettine, the luminous blonde, the mystical
and blue-haired middle child, Clothilde; and the dreary black-haired eldest,
Ophile. They live in a coastal isolation worthy of Emily Dickinson until Bettine
falls in love with Paris the lighthouse keeper's son. Ophile goes nearly insane
with envy, while Clothilde magically mentors her unborn nephew, the Saint
(which, in case you're worried, is as close as we get to the incest referred to
in the title). When Ophile's jealousy leads to Bettine's death, the
green-skinned Saint is picked up by a traveling carnival. More loss, grief
and high drama ensue before the Saint finds his way back to his ancestral home.

The pictures alone are worth every penny you will pay for this book. I haven't quite fully understand why I like this book or what it means but it is definitely in my list of good books to buy apart from Neil Gaiman.

While looking for something worthwhile to put in my blog, my friend saw me and she said to check out Bonsai Kittens. I went and checked and heres what I saw:

"Oh my God!!! Look at the poor kitten," I said. Upon further research, I found out that this is just an internet hoax to piss off cat lovers but nevertheless... poor little kittens.

I appeal to all feline lovers, do not go to Bonsai Kittens!

I am now thankful that I have been watching the primetime news on tv. Before, I used to ignore it because of all the gorey news that I see in it but this time, its different. Just the other night, the news featured the Algorithm Dance performed by 1,600 inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center. It was a dance craze popularized by a Japanese kids show and from what I've read on the net, the prison adopted it as part of their fitness regime for their inmates. Good thing the video camera has already been invented because they were able to capture this feat of art, talent and synchronicity on video.

Alas, I do not have the capacity to put a direct vid feed on this post but here's a link from BBC News that has a vid feed. Philippine jailhouse rocks to Thriller.

Hurray for the inmates! Thank god for this new Japanese craze!

Two days ago, I felt very nostalgic. I kept on thinking of sappy stuff like sweet scenarios that I would love to happen to me. For example:

Eating hard boiled eggs with my loved one. I would take the egg that she is
about to crack on her forehead and offer to have her crack it on mine instead.

Very sappy stuff indeed...

In addition to that, my perception has gotten wonky. When I look at the surroundings, other people and objects seem to move in slow motion. Every little motion is emphasized and I could count how many times a leaf would rock to and fro before it hits the ground. I even felt like my spirit was five steps away from my body.

At work, I could hear my footsteps coming from five steps behind. I could also hear myself talk as if I am eavesdropping on myself. My forehead felt like a balloon being squeezed gently by an invisible hand and the portion that is not in contact with the hand felt like expanding forward.

Good thing I heard my question for that day. It bothered me so much that my soul went back to my body as soon as I heard it. This is the question: "Do cyclopes have a third eye?"

Two days ago, I was watching the TV and I was just randomly flicking channels, I stumbled upon a show featuring new websites to visit.

Drawn! is a multi-author blog devoted to illustration, art, cartooning and drawing. Its purpose is to inspire creativity by sharing links and resources.
Albert Einstein said, “The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources,” but what the hell did he know anyway?
The links and posts on Drawn! are written by a small group of professional illustrators, designers, and cartoonists.

picture from http://www.drawn.ca/; art by Melanie Baillairge.

Last year, I discovered an anime called Mushishi. The storyline revolves around Mushis, a primeaval life form, said to be in touch with the essence of life. Being so, they have supernatural powers and creates curious, if not deadly effects on human beings. The story's main character is Ginko, travelling from place to place to research Mushi and aid people suffering from problems caused by them. The series is an episodic anthology in which the only common elements among episodes are Ginko and the various types of Mushi*.

I have taken the initiative to post the opening theme song by Ally Kerr here so you could sample the vibe of the series. This is also partly how I conceived of this blog and the "green" feel of it.

*excerpt from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mushishi)

While going home from the office, I received one of the saddest text messages for this year. My batch mate Elsa texted me asking me if I have received any messages from our other batchmate, Jojie. This came in as a suprise because number one, Elsa hasn't texted me for about 2 years now. Number two, I got chills when I read Jojie's name on the screen of my celphone. A following text message arrived saying that she already died. She died of pneumonia. I was so crushed because pneumonia can be easily cured.

I am now thinking about my own life...

Reflection mode.

A shot at photography. What do you think ?

A red day. Yet tomorrow the sun will still rise.

In short, I don't have my voice. I am so worried because my work involves oral communication and I have to be absent for 2 days. Anyway, I hope this will all work out. I want to get well soon and I think I will be needing your prayers. Thanks.

In addition to that, my doctor said that I actually have a tongue condition known as ankyloglossia. So that is why I cannot extend my tongue far out of my mouth. There is a procedure, frenuloplasty, that can be done to correct this. I asked my doctor if there would be any adverse effects because of this condition and if it was a must to have the condition but he said that there are no adverse effects. It was all up to me if I would want to have the surgery done or not.

Sorry for not being able to update my blog lately.

I was busy with work. Yes, I already found a new job. Isn't that great?

Now, my funds are diverted to allowance for my fare and food going to work. I find it hard to go to the net shop to update my blog as well due to the restrictions in funds. In addition to that, I have little time to spare between goin to work, work, goin home, and sleeping.

I have gotten sick last week as well. It started with a bit of sore throat but I imagined it away. Talk about mind over matter. However, I think I relapsed because tonight, I feel more awful compared to last week. I now have sore throat and a difficulty in breathing. I can barely tolerate the cold in the office. Good thing I already have a locker so I can leave my jacket at work - lessens the dangers of me forgetting the jacket at home or being too lazy to bring it to work. Hee hee.

On a more optimistic note, I have finished reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I will reserve my comments for later.

Stay tuned. I will be updating real soon.

Two nights ago, I dreamt about another disturbing thing.

I dreamt that I went into an apartment near my house. I sat in the living room on a turquoise colored sofa and I started reading a book. Suddenly, my little nieces and my kid cousin came in and started playing in the living room. Afraid that they might break something, I told them that they should stop. I got up, folded my book and started holding their hands in mine when I noticed that there was an old lady sitting on the other sofa.

Her hair was gray and it reached down to her forearm. Her face was kinda stern looking. It was kinda wrinkled in an austere kinda way. She had her hands folded on her lap.

After seeing her, I felt embarrassed that I went into her house without her permission so I faced her and I said, "Sorry Ma'am. I didn't realize you were there. I will be taking the kids home now."

"That's a good idea," she replied as she smiled at me.

When I looked back to grab the kids, they were gone. Instead, I saw the old woman standing in the door way. She said she was lonely and asked me if I could stay longer. She pointed to a photo behind me to show me her family picture. I turned my head and the old lady was already on the other side of the room, sitting behind a desk. She was smiling dubiously now.

I approached the desk but I felt funny. It felt like every step I took didn't reach the floor. My body felt light.

Then the old woman asked, "What's wrong?"
"I think my body is levitating and I can't control it."
"I can do that too. Just concentrate," she advised.

I put my palms together and opened it slowly like a butterfly while making sure my index fingers and thumbs were together to form a triangle. Slowly, I was able to prevent myself from floating. I was able to control the rhythmic bobbing of my body.

Then I got surprised because hand gripped me from behind and pulled me down.

I turned to face the person and I felt relieved to see my colleague from work. Her name was Ena.

"Hey! What are you doing here?!" I asked enthusiastically.
"I'm visiting my friend," she answered.
"Ah! Yes, that's right. You told me you had a friend living here but I didn't know your friend lived so close from my house."
"Where do you live ba?" she asked.

I walked towards the window. It was made from jalousies. "There! I live in that compound just across the street."

As I pointed it out, our view of the street zoomed in like it was being focused on a video camera.

I said, "Wow! Auto-focus!"
"I could also do that!" my colleague said and the window view zoomed even more til I could see my house's very own door.
"That great! So is she your friend?" pointing at the old lady.

I twisted my body to look and point but the old lady was gone. I looked back to Ena an the old lady was beside her already, sitting on a wooden chair.

The old woman was stilling smiling and I noticed that I was not able to move my whole body. I could manage to wriggle my toes and fingers and jerk my hand but that was it.

I struggled but my efforts are in vain. Then, a spark of inspiration hit me. I realized I was dreaming!

Local superstition states that if you are dreaming and you can't move your body, the solution to that is to clench your toes or cross you fingers. I was starting to get frantic. I tried both at the same time. I was starting to curl my toes when I saw Ena hugging the old lady to prevent her arms from falling to her side.

I immediately saw the connection. I was put under a binding spell and the only way to break it is if she unfolds her hand or if I was strong enough to break it on my own by curling my toes or crossing my fingers.

I was near victory and I saw the old woman straining to stop her arms from being lifted up when suddenly, Ena helped her and hugged her really tight.

I became desperate. I was able to talk so I started shouting for my mom. I was also starting to wake up but still I couldn't move my body. My mom was fast asleep. Good thing my aunt woke up and I was able to tell her to curl my toes and then cross my fingers. Suddenly, every was ok.

It felt horrible. I thought I was going to die in my sleep that night. I felt like I traveled the astral plane again and I met someone really powerful. Could this also be a test of power?

Yesterday I dreamt that I went to a clinic for a medical exam. I walked up to the counter and they gave me directions on how to proceed. My first stop was a male nurse across a corridor strewn with all kinds of things like blood test kits, syringes, plastic wrappers, test tube racks, and beakers.

With patience and a considerable amount of dexterity, I was able to reach the nurse and he took my hand. He put a test tube with a jagged opening to my wrist. We slowly moved the jagged glass around my wrist and I got lacerated. My wrist was bleeding slightly so I pressed on it with my other hand to stop the bleeding.

Anxious to get the medical tests completed, I asked the nurse, "So where should I go next?"
"To avoid crowding, go to the last nurse's station and then back track."
I said, "Ok. Thanks!" as I was walking towards the place he was pointing to.

When I got to the nurse's station, the nurses rushed up to me and they looked horrified. They asked me, "Sir, what happened to you!?"

As soon as they got to me, they held up my hand and I realized that my wrist was bleeding like a stuck pig.

"How did this happen to you, Sir?" they asked as they were cleaning my wound.

I pointed to the male nurse and said, "I think he wanted to get my blood sample using a test tube."
"Sir, we know you've done this before. Weren't you weirded out when he did that? You know that its not the standard procedure!"
"Yeah. I thought that was weird but...." I never finished my sentence. They ushered me in to a room to get my wound dressed.

They finished dressing my wound quickly. They told me to wait my turn for the other procedures for the medical test. They said I could walk around the garden while waiting. I got up and went out through a side door.

Stepping out on the garden felt like a visit to the zoo. There were cages with all sorts of animals. I am particularly delighted with ponds so I approached a pond when I saw a monkey wallowing in the sludgy water. I didn't notice it earlier but there were two crocodiles approaching the monkey and another animal. It seemed like an aardvark or a hairy ant-eater.

The first croc slowly plowed through the mud and snapped at the monkey, taking away most of its snout with it. Surprisingly, the monkey was able to still struggle away from the hungry crocs and it helped the aardvark/ant-eater escape the jaws of death. When they stepped on land, they ran with their front paws held outward and they ran erect with their hind legs.

I felt queasy considering that the monkey only had half of its face left.

I was distracted by the ruckus so I didn't notice that there is an even bigger crocodile approaching me. Good thing I was standing in front of the door so I didn't meet my end.

As I stepped inside, I saw that I was in another sector of the clinic and I was surrounded by a wire mesh fence and there were benches to sit on. I had my bag with me and one kid was yanking my bag. I felt scared that he would get my cellular phone or wallet so I shooed him away. He left but he put out his tongue at me.

I saw my mom there too.

I tried getting back to the nurse's station I was previously at but I didn't find it. I was tired already so I sat on a bench. I had nothing to do so I examined my wounded hand. I felt relieved that it stopped bleeding but I got chills looking at the muscles moving beneath the torn skin. I felt frantic when I saw that instead of blood, the wound gaped open like a talking mouth. I was so outraged that I mocked the passing medical personality by making the wound close and open like a mouth when speaking.

After that, I felt ashamed because I saw that everybody was staring at me already. I sat down again and tried to cover my face with my hands when I saw Eli (Elizabeth), my ex-girlfriend. I didn't want her to see me that way so I wished I could be invisible. Nevertheless, she still saw me and she sat beside me.

I don't remember anything more about that dream. That's all I have. It felt weird and actually felt that my hand was aching when I woke up. I was pretty shaken up because of that.

Sadness is the single most destructive emotion because you cannot direct it to any other person but yourself.
--------
Ironically, love is the only emotion that we can produce more of but choose to give to just one person.

Sometime two weeks ago, I saw a cockroach crawling underneath our washing machine. I know, this might not be the best choice for a blog entry since you might think that I am sloppy but this is actually very disturbing.

Knowing that its really not a good thing to have a cockroach in the house, I asked my kid cousin to swat the unholy creature dead. After a considerable amount of crawling to dodge the swat of death, the cockroach finally managed to stay still long enough for my cousin to kill it. Thinking that he already swept the dead insect, I turned to more pressing issues, i.e. the game show I was watching and I forgot all about it.

Evening came and I noticed that the little rascal was still there, dead and flat on the floor. However, I didn't want to sweep the germ-infested thing so I left it to my sister. While watching TV later on, my sister called me in a distressed and excited scream and she was laughing she asked me to guess what happened to her. I told her I had no clue and patience to guess so she energetically told me that our dead little cockroach was taken by another cockroach. This might be our hard evidence that cockroaches, over the millenia, have developed a culture and became civilized enough to claim and bury their dead.

Freaky huh?! I am still haunted by the thought. Brrrrr....

A few days later, my sister reported that the cockroach was returned to the original spot where it lay dead. She saw another cockroach dragging the dead one while she was sweeping.

I saw Charlie's Angels last night and I felt the sea calling me. I have actually noticed this during the past few days. I feel drawn to it and I feel that it has something to tell me or teach me.

I keep on seeing this image of a crimson sun, indigo sky, flaming sea close to the horizon, black sand and me, sitting on a dark beach, with waves washing over my feet.

Non sequitur: my friend Charisma asked me to write a poem about her. She says she'll give me P200.00. I felt flattered of course but at the same time, afraid that I might not live up to her expectations. She even gave me P30.00 as a down payment.

By the way, want to see how she looks like? This is Charisma.

Summer's heat is still unbearable. Last night, I was able to smell the approach of rain clouds in the air and I felt happy about it. I felt relieved because it has been so hot that all I can think of is banana daiquiri.

Last week, Friday: Small World

I went to an interview with a call center. I was anticipating that there would be heavy traffic so I left home at around 6am. I guess it is a good thing that my worst expectations were wrong, meaning, I arrived there at 8am - one hour earlier than the scheduled time. I anticipated this so I brought along a book that I borrowed from my sister and I read while I waited.

After suffering an hour of the dreadful paperback novel, we were ushered into a training room which also served as an interview room, a lady approached me and I found out that my old officemate, Wilma, worked there. I then realized that she was HR there and she was to conduct the interview. It relaxed me a bit to know that I think I breezed through her interview with flying colors.

Afterwards, we were told to read a script and make a recording to be sent to their operations manager. This was the next step of the selection process. I started and finished before the other applicants and I felt quite confident about everything.

I was on my way home and was about to cross the street when I saw my other friend, Charisma, and I actually jumped up and down to greet her and I also hugged her.

Small world, no?

Emotional camouflage.
Wreathed in smoke
hair shrouds eyes.
I'm sitting pretty on a lounger.
Bar is full of entangled histories
about desires, frustration,
real & imaginary ecstasies.
I lost my capacity to suffer -
sadness. I blatantly show
red cheeks
when no glance intersects with mine.
My eye lashes bat,
hearts start to flutter
& then a warm hand on mine
takes me to Neverland

-November 11, 2006

Welcome!

Vintage photo?

The flight of two birds
called "Dream and Nightmare"
in a sepia sky.

Hour glasses?

The endless autumnal molting
of red maple leaves
or the vernal tears welling
down weeping willow boughs
that are barely visible
except on moonlight nights.

Balloons?

Giant ogres orbitting over our heads.

Looking glasses?

You - a pale fairy prince
pointy-eared with damselfly wings.
Me - a rain child with scarlet scales
and lionfish fins.

Rings?

A fin & a feather intertwined.

I'll take that, thank you.

You're welcome
and thank you for shopping.

-Marso 8, 2007

I've first encountered Wislawa Szymborska when one day, I bought a DVD of the film Turn Left, Turn Right. As I was watching, the heroine of the story recited a poem called Love at First Sight. I liked the poem instantly and I became curious about the poet and her other poems.

My search for Wislawa wasn't very easy because for one thing, her name is very difficult to spell. When I got through to one site telling about her, I found myself on Nobelprize.org and I was happy to find out that she was a Nobel Prize winner for literature in 1996.

I was telling everybody about her then and one of my friends, Donna, told me she had a collection of Wislawa's poems and I asked her if I could borrow it. She lent it to me and I almost didn't want to give it back to her.

You may read about Wislawa Szymborska and her poems through these links

• biography
• poems

There is no use preparing for the future because we are always living in the here and now.

Be frustrated.
For the thing you do,
which defines
your very
existence,
gets you nowhere.


-Raquel Dujunco
Malate Tomo XVI, Bilang 3
p. 113

I like the paradox of the rocking chair. It moves incessantly and yet, this very nature never gets it anywhere.

I could relate to this at this point in time as I have already switched from one job to another - never, in any one of them, have I felt a sense of fulfillment. I have said to myself that I will be taking up a job to fund my passion in the arts - literature, mainly poetry, drawing and a bit of web designing.

I started that plan in 2004. It is now 2007. I feel like I have not moved an inch from where I have started.

At this point, I will never get anywhere so I decided to take up my pen again and write. It doesn't matter what it is. Poem. Story. Doodles. Spells. Anything, as long as I don't fall in my self-created black hole.

I am a leonine child but I have always identified with the Moon. I consider the Moon as my muse. This blog is a toast to my muse.

Read on...