Written Contusions

i've been meaning to discover who i am in the major arcana so i am glad i found this test.




HERMIT

"the meditator, philosopher, sage, wise
man"

You can not and will not compromise your values and
have a desire to complete past things before
begining the new (you value completion,
perfection, and introspection highly). You are
a natural way-shower, sage, and seeker. You
have an appreciation of the body and the wisdom
of the earth and its natural process. You have
a deep love for beauty, harmony, and order.



which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
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it is the last week of august and i feel the rush of things. i also hear the crush and crash because our trip for this term will come to an end in a few week's time.



i just pulled off a 15+ minute interview with two UP student council officers. we nearly cancelled but the event pushed through.



hey! it's my birthday! i do not know if it will turn out to be a happy one... it rarely is. i do hope. even pandora's box contained hope so why not my heart...?

on a happier note, i received a text message from my friend, Cace, and she said that my message was the most heart-warming greeting that she has received this day. she is celebrating her birthday today.



all i said was: i wish that all the hardships that she has experienced leave her only with strength.



she had a tough year and i guess the message i sent her meant so much.

I attended this event that situated me among some people that I did not think highly of. I cannot help but choose to be a hypocrite because I had to show them a welcoming face. I wrote the word "choose" in bold because I think that I cannot really say that I was forced to be a hypocrite in that event. I could have avoided them or merely ignore them but I did not. That was the choice I made and with that, I betrayed my principle.

I think that is sad.

I attended a poetry reading today. It seemed like I would suffer there because I do not have anybody to sit with. As it turned out, my patience was long and I enjoyed some of the poems read. The poems I didn't enjoy reading, I enjoyed lambasting.

You're a Diamond. You seem like a cold and an
unreachable person outside, yet you are
beautiful inside and outside. You may be
stubborn at times. You act with grace and
elegance and you are a precious asset to all
your friends.

What Jewel Are You?
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I saw Finding Nemo yesterday with Kathy.

I found the whole tale of Marlin's quest to find his son very captivating. It has strummed more than three heartstrings in me... a commendable feat for an animated film.

Do you believe in the principle of favorability? I can relate this movie to Paolo Coelho's view that the universe conspires to help a person. Marlin was so bent on finding his son and he did not let anything stop him, even sharks. I guess that is just an exagerated way of showing it but it did what it was supposed to do.

The character that was so endearing for me is Dory. She was so fickle in the beginning and she was so easy to please. I like her attitude but in the end, she was the one who helped the separated clown fish see each other again. My favorite part was when she told marlin that before she met him, she cannot even remember her own name but when they were together, she remembers things, even the address of P. Sherman 22 Wallaby Way, Sydney.

There's no use in living in the past because the future is always before us.

- Clow Reed

I do agree to this quote but on some aspects, I have a different opinion. I think that the past is the best source of strength for a person. I once told my friend, Kathy, to reminisce about the good times with her friend when she asked me what to do when her friend felt sad.

In my view, the past is a solid thing that keeps you moving forward. There is no such thing as living in the past because the past are the things that have gone. We cannot live in that world. To live in the past is to pass away... or so I believe.

Back to my reason for having said that to Kathy, I believe that the past is the only permanent thing in our lives. Our perception of it can be distorted and clouded but nevertheless, it still will remain. It will never change and has no capacity to do so unless time travel would be possible. Since it will never change, things that are beautiful and happy in the past will remain to be that way even if the same situation means something else in the present.

We can always count on it for support and strength. Although the past is composed of things that left a person, it can never leave the person. It just stays there waiting to gather more things that have outlived its presence.

I've been thinking and these are the things that I realized:

I have become too attached to things. I cannot let go of things - especially people. It's like I am juggling balls in the air and recently, I noticed that some of the balls have been getting heavier, taking a toll on me. I realized that if I continue to juggle them, time will come that all of the balls I have so long kept will be lost to me.

However, if I think of it that way, you can say that I am trapped in a dilemma. Now, I've reconstructed the whole metaphor of my situation. It's like now, I am holding on to so many Gummi Bears. Now, if I open my hands, it's not up to me to keep the gummi bears safe in place but for them to cling on to my hands. That puts a lot of things into perspective, huh?

That way, I am not imposing my friendship on people. They have the option to leave as they please. That also saves my energy because I do not need to exert so much effort in maintaining things that do not want to be maintained. Now, I have accepted the reality of impermanence and change.

I think inertia has settled into my system. I cannot accomplish any task as of the moment. So far, the only productive thing I did was to revise a poem I wrote some days ago. Check out my revision.

Two nights ago, I watched the Animatrix and it also blew my mind off! The images were visually stunning. The stories were great especially the second renaissance I and II. I found the beginning of the war between man and machine very sad. How I wish it did not happen in the Matrix universe.

I smoked a cigarette while I was finishing the second CD of the Animatrix and it was the first time that I smoked a very awful cigarette. I smoked that brand before but this time, I felt dizzy and my extremities felt numb. I think I should quit smoking now or else, I won't be able to stop it.

Last night, I watched the movie "Hero" starring Jet Li. I liked the movie because of its stunning visual effects. I really liked the concept of Flying snow and Moon fighting in a forest with falling leaves. You have to watch the movie. Right now, I am still stunned by what I saw and these words that I wrote cannot capture the essence of the movie's beauty.

My teacher, Ms. Vivienne, told me that it was better than the Lord of the Rings movies. Coming from her, I got curious becuase she was also a big LOTR fan. In my opinion, you cannot really compare the two movies. I think it is very good for its kind, especially the cinematography and the choreography of the fight scenes. As for LOTR, it was beautiful because of the environment being grand and other worldly. Plus, the idea and the presentation of those majestic elves really blew my mind. Look at Arwen.



i think that both movies are great.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

I was looking around in our house today and I found my old toys. I forgot what they were all about, meaning that they are part of something, a cartoon series or something, but I forgot what.

Anyway, the situation, finding my old toys, felt very good. I think that it is a sign from the universe that I have finally reconnected to my old self. I hope that I did not over read the sign.

I am so glad that things went well in out thesis defense. The questions asked were merely clarifications and not severe comments. I do hope that I get high evaluations from my panel.

Pray for me.

If you were reading the previous entries, you will understand this:

And I let it fall! It fell as it never fell before and though I see the broken pieces, they only remain shards of the past.

* Which of natures amazing entities are you?*
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YOU ARE HARRY POTTER! THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE
HARRY POTTER SERIES, HARRY IS BRAVE,
COURAGEOUS, AND LOYAL TO HIS FRIENDS. GOOD FOR
U!

!NEW! Which Harry Potter character would u most be like??
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Tamahome and Miaka. You are somewhat clumsy but
none the less lovable. You are a bit dependent
and need someone to rescue you periodically.
However, your love can endure the impossible
obstacles in life. You two compliment each other
well and the bond you have created will last a
lifetime. It's not often you find someone you
will die for...

Which relationship are you in/ wish to be in? (Anime pictures)
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Lord of the Rings!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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You are Professor X!

You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
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You're A Hero!

You live to save the world! You are honest, true,
and always victorious! You may not always get
the girls/boys, but all you really want to do
is battle the bad guys.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
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ICE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You? -- Updated (7/21/03)
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i'm in the mood to take tests.



You should be dating a Taurus.

20 April - 20 May

This gentle creature is dependable, artistic, and
very calm and patient. Though Taurus has the
tendency to be self-indulgent, stubborn or
materialistic, this bull naturally enjoys a
roll in the hay!

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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Your the *pause* "Hunter"...Rawrrrr

Which Bjork song are you?
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I talked to my friend this morning. I was apologizing because I got mad at her. She did not reply when I texted her yesterday. I told her that I was sorry I got mad at her. My tone would not have changed but she said in a very vilefull way that she was angry at me everyday.

That event spoiled my day today.

I did not expect such hurtfull words to come out of her mouth. I remember, she was the person who couldn't hurt a fly. Then, I told her that she has to stand her own ground and develop backbones. I think she finally did but with horns and spines attached to it.

I would have remained bummed but then I remembered what I said. I said:

"I hold on to things like Yggdrasil holds the universe together. Is it ok if I let all of my charges go? As I see it, I am juggling so many things, as well as people in the air. I have been doing this for so long and I am getting tired. However, when I stop, all of them would come crashing down. Is it alright if I let them all fall?"

I think the answer to that is yes.

Last night, the rain poured. It was so sad how the rain fell after a very long day. On my way home, I rode a bus and there i realized something!

I noticed that in literature, the rain afforded so many conveniences for the characters of the work. It veils emotions, clarifies things and even washes out negativities. How deus ex machina... How totally unfair.

I have this friend and she tells me her problems. It so happened that I was the only person she can say her feelings to without having to feel threatened and she asked me to edit her short story. She texted me (sms) so that we could meet.

As it turns out, the short story was about her and the problem she is dealing with right now. In a sense, I found it amusing because I was mentioned in her short story.

I feel so important! Yippee!

I think i am finally addicted to cigarettes. The smoke swirls in the most interesting of ways. I like how it lingers in the air... dreading its disappearance.

My friend soyster has this line: smoke can never fly straight in the wind. How sad, don't you think?

Last Friday night, I went to a bar in Malate. It was for a poetry reading and as it turned out, it wasn't really a poetry reading but a sort of night out for most of my company. I wasn't really enjoying the misnomer poetry reading but then again, I have my friend to talk to, Kathy. Thank God for her.

Sometimes it is hard to find really good friends. Usually, people treat friends as someone they benefit from. What a utilitarian view on friendship!

I have this frlend, her name is Donna but her nickname is Soyster. She considers me one of her very good friends. I find that extremely rewarding: being considered a person's friend.

They say that you should not count your age by the years, instead, count it by the friends that you have found. However, I believe in something else. You should not count your friends. You should count how many people consider you as a friend.

I believe that the label friend is a relative thing. You may consider a person as your friend but he or she may not share the same sentiments. I think that is a very big risk to take. That is why I don't label people as friends/non-friends but people who consider me a friend as opposed to those who don't.