Written Contusions

There is a new person intriguing me. We virtually have the same philosophies . The same fire and the same fear of rejection. I better take this slow. Water always finds its way to the ocean.

Stagnant waters invite mosquitoes.

I'm really not being stagnant but that is the currently how I feel. My mobility is only hindered by monetary constraints. The money I spent going to the interview for the book specialist position came from my mom. I had to budget P400 for fare, food and of course, cigarettes.

On my way home, I decided to have lunch with friends in Glorietta. Afterwards, my friend Neil went with me to Powerbooks and I saw Anne there. We just had a fruit shake and ice blended tea. That's when I felt sad for myself. I wasn't able to buy precious coffee.

Though the sky is cloudy, it will always be a good sign for rain.

There's this certain individual that is currently intriguing me. We basically have the same philosophies, same fire and same fear of rejection. I better take this slow. Water always finds its way back to the ocean anyways.

After swimming, I still feel my limbs are submerged in water. I still make treading motions as if swimming.

Without work, I suddenly found myself dealt with more free time than I can handle. I think I got so drowned in work and clinging desperately for good quality sleep that I don't know anything else besides those.

On a more pressing matter, I am faced with a debacle with money. How will I sustain myself during the transition state?

"Don't worry," says the Rain Child, "Water will find a way."

I've already updated my resume, submitted online job applications and now is hoping.

Here's a realization: I feel dry and barren.

Good thing I had a conversation with this individual that grounded me a bit. Thanks!

I've tendered my long overdue resignation at work. A burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

Khalil Ghibran's words are echoing in my mind.

We met today. I was happy but something tells me this should stop.

I said, "even in the beginning, I know that this can't go on. I just want us to be happy."

When waters are still, does it mean that it is peaceful?

On the surface, a still lake, you can take away as many pebbles from deep within and never notice it but the lake will still know it is missing a part of it. It will never be the same anymore.

Today is my birthday. In the Rain Calendar, the first day of the first month.

I should be happy right? Why the heavens am I crying? Because the most important person in my life is not with me. Need I expound?

Crystalized rain - hail- on to your heads then!

I've stared hard
at a glass of water.
Wanting to drown
in the wisdom it shares
with the deep sea.

I closed my eyes
and drowned in darkness.
Always in the periphery
- lampfishes
with hypnotic lights swim.
I try to follow
into the throat of the deep black.

Pressure is rising as I descend.
My heart tells me so.
My veins pulse
with dread of shades that swim
in the abyss.

Suddenly, I felt the feeling of mud
beneath my feet.
I have descended to Atlantis.
I opened my eyes
and i look at myself
reflected on the glass of water.

Slow but sure, when water flows or just even trickles, it can overcome any obstacle.

Last Saturday, I went to an outing with my friends. I arrived early and I met someone. At first sight, I fell. I froze and pretended to be nonchalant because I was so scared that if I made a move , I would be rejected. I just watched from afar the entire time.

At the venue, we were able to play in the pool together. The game was like underwater fetch where we threw a 25 cent coin in the water and we would dive and race to be the first to retrieve it. I was so happy playing.

Later on in the evening, we were just relaxing together with two other friends - lazily floating in the water. We didn't talk much but I was content just having him close to me.

Then, we had this activity in which we were given 3 lollipops. We were supposed to give them to 3 people we had a deep appreciation for or would like to know better. I didn't give that person a lollipop but I got one. It was actually more like its been shoved into my hand like a bashfull little kid but actually, when that person rose to walk around, my heart was beating furiously and I was feeling cold because I wanted to get one coming my crush. I thought that there must be something between us if it happened. I have shown a lot of sticky stares and gazes.

Still the day flowed on. Nothing happened.

I was getting desperate.

During the trip back home, I took the chance of texting and we didn't stop texting until i fell asleep and now, we already have an understanding. I am so happy.

Indeed, water always finds its ways to flow to the sea.

Every drop of water longs for the ocean.
Even lakes secretly wish to escape the strong embrace of earth just to return.
And humans, though only 70% water, with our sincerest efforts to find heat
sweat
still seeps onto skin, tears well up from eyes
and some even bleed to death.

At this point, the lost becomes the hunter.

Let the glasses shatter,
beaver dams break,
and in the end, a deluge
to reclaim the sea.

Drown in the sublime wisdom of water.

Other people's Poems:
Bath-Song by J.R.R. Tolkien

My Poems:
Seasick
Descent

Lately the rain has been pouring hard. I feel sad everytime it happens. It seems like a thousand tears are falling around me. I feel drowned and soaked to the marrow of my bones. It does not seem to end - perpetual sadness.

Last Wednesday, after going out of the office, the sun was shining. I was almost happy. The sun, or maybe the rain clouds, were just toying with me. Dealing out false hopes.

Today, I have a date with a person who fell into my waters - broke up with his boyfriend so we could be free to love each other. Their love affair was not working out - like rank and brackish waters. I should feel happy but like my aquarium, I feel only half-full with water. I can only hope this will go well.