Recent events have led me to go back into a state that I call Solemnity of Reflection. Because of the recent deaths, the painful losses and the radical changes in my life, I have retreated into a state that calls for reflecting on my life that demands a moment of peace. This started when my friend JaGurl passed away and has been reinforced by the murder of my cousin-in-law.

Although I am really not silent on the outside, in my head, I am trying desperately to calm the raging thoughts. I think I have reached the eye of the storm in me. That storm that other people might call their thought process. I have been in this state for about two weeks now and I think the storm in me is moving once again. I can start to hear the rustling of my hair.

Realizing that I have withdrawn into this state reminded me of my experience with my friend Donna and her cousins. I think it was a few years back. I have graduated from college already but I still kept in touch with Donna. One day, we decided to go to a nearby mall along with her cousins while we waited for time to pass. We were planning to go to a local rockfest. While in the mall, her cousin Dareese noticed that her cell phone was missing. We alerted the mall security and we almost succeeded in apprehending the criminal but she got away anyhow.

At that moment, the reality that Dareese' cell phone cannot be retrieved has finally set in but they were still full of chatter. I insisted that they take a moment to reflect on what had happened but they refused. I guess everybody is just different but I wanted them to have the solemnity of reflection so that something good could come from the negative experienced.

For me, the worst thing that could happen at the moment of a loss or misfortune is never really the event itself. The saddest thing is that a person cannot learn from an experience like that. I don't know if this means anything to anybody but I wanted to share this anyway.

So what really is the solemnity of reflection? It is a time to stay quiet and be still. It is a time to think. A time to look at all that is around you. A time to look to the horizons that limit the width and breadth of the world you live in. For what? That is to learn from mistakes. To listen for a hidden message sent by the Divine. Find the meaning to a blaring alarm that the Universe has sent to us in the form of disaster or unfortunate event. I think that to fail to achieve that state would invite more misfortune and disaster because the Universe will not stop teaching us the lessons we need to learn until we stop and take it in. I realized that the hard way.