Written Contusions

I think I need to rethink my priorities. I have gone on and tried presenting 24 life lessons for each year that I am alive, but I haven't thought the idea through. I don't exactly know what to write about now. Pardon me if I would be abadoning the topic for a while.

Lesson 4: A kid should not be allowed to run wild in the Antipolo area, especially within the driveways of Assumption - Antipolo.

1987 - Year 4 in the life of Rchrd.

Back in the day, my mother and father worked for a school bus company that ferried children to different prominent schools in the Philippines. My father worked as a bus driver, and my mother worked as a bus mother. Her work entailed that she took care of the kids, especially the ones that hava a habit of standing up and running around the bus while it is moving.

At that age, 4 years old, I was still sorely attached to my mother so she would usually bring me to work. Otherwise, the entire neighborhood would be woken by my loud cry at 5:00 AM. Since the job was relatively easy - she just had to really work when the kids are there - it allowed her to bring me with her.

She was assigned to a bus that took kids to Assumption - Antipolo. While waiting for the kids' dismissal time, we would often sit on the grass and have a picnic. There were also cashew trees in the vicinity of the school so we would pick the fallen fruits and play with it. However, one day, I got the impression that it was fun to run on the asphalt driveway of a downhill road. She tried to run after me, but she was too late. "Blag!" I went down on my forehead and rolled a few feet more.

That fall was monumental because I got a bump on my forehead that really protrudes from it. Even now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I can still see that bump on the right side of my forehead.

Where I live, we still believe the saying that says, "Ang sakit ng kalingkingan ay sakit ng buong katawan." That is a Tagalog saying that is roughly translated as, "The pain of your little finger is the pain of your entire body." I would attest to that as my ingrown toe nail on my bit toe throbbed painfully all day yesterday until early this morning.

It started yesterday, when I woke up. I started feeling that my toe nails were already dirty, so I decided to trim them a little bit. Knowing that it has been a chronic problem, I took careful attention when I was trimming my big toe's nail on my right foot. I stood at the threshold of our kitchen's back door because the early morning light illuminated the space better than the living room. I trimmed away, not knowing that I was in for a big surprise later on in the day.

The day went on lazily. My family and I just watched television and some DVD's. I also played Warcraft on my PC. I slept in the afternoon and continued watching TV; all of these activities didn't require that I use my feet much.

However, when the evening came, I felt a throbbing on my right big toe. Thinking that it will subside, I decided to ignore it until I banged my foot on the floor. It hurt like being impaled by a swordfish! I was still not paying attention to the pain. I just tried to numb my foot with some topical analgesic, which did the trick for a few hours.

I was already asleep when suddenly, a sharp jolt of pain woke me up. I banged my toe again; this time, it was on the wall on the feet side of my bed. I wasn't able to get much sleep because of that. I think, I was able to finally sleep at around 3:30AM.

When my mother woke me up, the pain was still sharp, and it felt more raw than ever. I felt like my toe was being eaten by worms from the inside out. That was when I decided to really go in deep and get the toe nail that was killing me.

I tried to remove it by using hook-shaped nail cutters, but it didn't work. Then, I hastily borrowed my aunt's nail cleaning set and got out her nippers. With the nipper's help, I was able to remove most of the nail on the side of my toe but the part of my nail that was slicing on my flesh was still embedded deep in my skin. Each snip that I tried seemed to feel like flowers, made of pain, blossom from my foot. I don't know why that is how I describe it, but that's really how it felt - red roses 6 inches wide, blossoming from one end of a field, moving like a field of barley being bent by the passing wind, causing pain and agony.

That was when I asked my aunt to intervene. I'd like to detail more about her, but to cut that part short, she wasn't able to help. Each time she tried fishing out the sharp shard of toe nail, the pain intensified, causing me to feel nauseous, dizzy, faint, and sore all at the same time.

Out of sheer desperation, I decided to clench my teeth and do it by myself. I'd rather face the pain just for a while than to spend the rest of the day agonizing over a tedious and persistent feeling. I decide to nip, pull, cut, push and slice my way into the nail and skin of my toe to get the ingrown piece out. After a while, seeing that my flesh has been macerated by my attempt, I gnashed my molars for a final tug.

All of a sudden, the pinnacle of pain was know to me, and I was writhing. A few minutes passed and all of it slowly drew away, like the ebbing of a flood. I am just thankful that the pain was gone. That's when I realized that the old saying was true. Hopefully, this is the last time that I have to endure this suffering. Thank you, God, for pedicurists.

There's a saying that when it rains, it pours. It seems that today, it happened to me both literally and figuratively. Earlier in the morning, it rained. During the afternoon, a lot of new things poured down on me. I think that today is a start of new things and discoveries. Kate already finished her novel and I have in my hands her first manuscript; my friend, Anyanka, from Mafia Mofo asked me to coauthor a blog with her; finally, I learned something new about myself.

It seems that over the past entries, I have been mentioning that my friend, Kate, has a novel. As it turns out, she has finished giving birth to her novel and I have the manuscript already. The beginning looks promising and I can't wait to ravage through the entire piece. Being the bookworm that I am, I can finish that manuscript before the week is up. I can only give vague details about the novel because I want to ensure that readers worldwide buy her book once they get off the press and become available in bookstores; no spoilers here, sorry. I started reading the manuscript while I was at the van station, waiting for it to fill up with passengers. I was able to finish 5 chapters in less than 30 minutes.

When I arrived home, I checked my Mafia Mofo and I found a message from my friend, Anyanka. She is sort of my big sister in that online RPG and we've become friends even though we are continents apart. I love the internet! Anyway, she has asked me to coauthor a blog with her and naturally, I accepted. Wait for further updates on that. By the way, I think you are reading this Big Sis. Hello to you! Ü

Now, on to something really weird. While I was at the van, I noticed that there's a funny smell in the air. Think in the lines of vinegar! It smelled like somebody had just finished jogging and decided to raise his hairy armpits for the world to smell. As it turns out, I think that I was that smelly guy. How did I find out? I discretely raised my right arm and pretended to rest my head on my shoulders, that's how. I admit; I smelled horrible. I was feeling horrible too. Too bad, I was sitting next to a pretty girl wearing a green tank top and green eyeshadow. I got self-conscious of course. Moving on, I pretended to not notice until we got off the van. While waiting for a ride, I decided to check on my smell and it seems that the smell vanished! I was feeling a little bit better too. I don't know if this makes sense but this is my theory:

I smell bad if I feel bad; I smell good if I feel good.

Does that make sense? I know; I am weird. That's why you read my blog, right?

"Chad, what is 137 x 2?" Kate asked me last Monday. That was when we were buying 2 reams of bond paper for her project.

"374!" I replied with confidence.

"No, it's 274," she said in defiance.

Kate couldn't accept my answer and we insisted on our respective answers in front of the cashier. To finally settle the discussion, I took out my cell phone and calculated the real answer. To my surprise and utter embarrassment, the calculator did say 274.

Tuesday came and went. Before going home for the day, Kate and I had to submit reports to our boss. I was supposed to tally my work output for the day and I had to ask for the sum of 16 and 8. Since I acknowledged that I am really bad at math, I asked Kate.

"21," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Everybody reacted with a gasp. After a few seconds, there was laughter all over our office. Our boss corrected us and said that the correct answer is 24. At that point, I felt that Kate and I were equals again; she can't boast her math skills over mine.

When I got home, I decided to do more work. At around 11 PM, I started wrapping up and I had to send another report. I had to email the report to my boss. I tallied my work again and I sent the report. After sending the report, I read my email again and I my mouth went agape!

I miscalculated the figures again. It was supposed to be 8 + 6. However, I put 10 instead of 14. Oh my God! I immediately wrote a follow-up email correcting my figures. Nevertheless, the embarrassment was already there and there's no way to take it back. After everything that happened, I learned one very important thing:

When faced with math problems, use a calculator.

I felt that the previous blogskin that I had was too commercial so I felt that I had to change. Looking at eBlog Templates, I found this new skin that I've seen a long time ago. I felt that this was the perfect skin for me because it is colored green and the menu for navigation moves around.

As everybody knows, green is my favorite color so I decided to go for this skin. My sister said that there's too much white space but no one can shake me off of this new skin. Perhaps, I would consider changing if there's another skin that tops this and is colored green.

In addition, I've been looking for a menu that moves so I felt that this was perfect for me. At first, I almost didn't take this because I couldn't figure out how to put my message box but luckily, I found a way around it. As I was saying earlier, I wanted my blog to look more personal so I don't really care if there's no ads.

Hopefully, my favorite color and the moving menu doesn't disappoint you guys. I'd rather share with you my thoughts and feelings in a way that would feature them. I wanted to tone down so I can have a more personal feel for my blog. I hope you like it!

The past couple of weeks have been too stressful to me. My mother is asking me to prepare all the documents that I would need to apply for a housing loan so I am really stressed over that. Last December, I went to the compulsory seminar for people who want to apply for one. I am just lacking a copy of my employment contract and my payslips. Hopefully, I get them all next week so I can stop stressing over it.

On a lighter note, I found this online game called Mafia Mofo and I felt addicted. The concept of the game is based on a life of crime. I am playing as a regular mobster trying to make my way to the top of the crime hierarchy. It felt so violent so I related to it because of all the pent up frustration I am feeling. Interested? Check it out -

A very disturbing text message found its way into my cellphone. My cousin had a message for my mother to prepare documents related to the lot that I bought for some court matters. The issue isn't clear yet but I am very anxious. I don't know what to think but I am very much afraid.

A silly thought occurred to me while I was smoking with my friends just outside of the office. My friend, Donna, was saying that she wanted something sweet to eat. I started thinking of sweet things to eat so I paced around. While pacing, I noticed that the floor was sticky and there were ants walking all over the sticky floor. That was when the thought occurred!

"I have a question," I said.

Chiqui responded, "What?"

"Do you believe the saying that you are what you eat?"

Chiqui thought about it for a bit before saying, "Yes, I guess so."

"If that is true, should it follow that ants are sweet too since they love to eat sweet things?"

After saying that, of course, there was thunderous laughter all around.

"Whatever did happen to our elementary classmates?" This was the topic that we were discussing while walking through Imus Public Market. Judy was telling me about this friend of hers from grade one. As it turns out, that friend of hers got stuck with just telling stories about their past - the long gone past. That was when I blurted out a lot about my elementary days and how I was a friends with our class president and valedictorian.

"Why is it that when we were kids, the class president is also usually the valedictorian?"

"I guess its because of previous experience," I explained. Trying to think more about it, it seems that kids have a knack at remembering who their past first honor student and back then, we always admired the intelligent and the academic achiever. In a way, it is some form of popularity.

The conversation moved a few more dialogues when I suddenly blurted out, "When we were kids, we voted for the most intelligent kid to be class president. I wish that people remember that when they get older; when we get older, it seems that most Filipinos have forgotten that!"

Judy just nodded in agreement. It really seems that it is true - and rather sad that some people could get stuck in the past but totally focus on the wrong things. We get hung up on who was cute, dirty, ugly or funny but we totally forgot some important lessons. When we gather together, the usual topic is who became somebody or who did not make it. I even chirped a lot about things like that with my valedictorian/class president friend. It also our constant topic. We enjoyed the gossip!

Perhaps, it is the time to look back on some grain of wisdom in kids. We knew how to tell who was good and who was rotten. We remembered that last year, our class president was great and smart. She did everything to make the class orderly. Naturally, since she is smart then, she'll still be smart this year and we'll vote for her again. It's simple logic, right?

Looking back, we made sense. We were smart enough to know what to do. Growing up must have taken away that sense. Perhaps, it may have even been forgotten but since I felt that spark of revelation tonight, I'll remember that conversation come the next elections.

When I woke up today, at around 1:16 pm, I was hungry and I was in a cross mood. The first question that popped into my head is, "Ma, what's for lunch?" Sadly, since it was past lunch-time, there's no more lunch left for me so I decided to think of something to cook while watching our pet hamsters eat.

The hamster cages are kept in front of my aunt's store so she could keep an eye on the pets while tending to the store. On the other side of the story, I admired how cute they are while contemplating what I would like for lunch, brunch, or should I dare say, my breakfast. That's when I noticed that there are some toasted bread on one of her bread baskets and a spark lit in my head. I knew what I would like for my meal. I decided to cook some breakfast food for lunch.

After getting the toasted bread, I decided to cook a cheese omelet to go with my toasted bread and some caramelized apples to tie in the flavor. I enjoyed my breakfast so I decided to share the recipe.

Since the toasted bread sparked all this in my head, let me start with that. The one I used in the recipe is just plain old loaf bread toasted with margarine and sugar sprinkled on top of it until it gets crunchy all the way through. That's a good choice, I thought, if I wanted to cook this again; I can easily toast some on my own if I can't get any from the store.

As I was walking towards my house, I saw my other aunt eating half of an apple, so that gave me the idea of caramelizing some. When I got in the house, I opened our ref to see the other half and I got it. I just carved out the seeds and the nasty ends of the apple. Afterwards, I cut them into thin slices and I set them aside.

Then, I got a medium sized egg and I beat it in a bowl. I added just a pinch of salt since I'm adding some cheese into it later. As I was doing that, I was preheating some oil in a frying pan. After beating the eggs, I got some cheese and cut a slice. When I got back to the stove, the oil was already hot so I poured in the beaten eggs and I grated some cheese over it. Once the omelet was cooked enough on one side, I flipped it and cooked it all the way through.

I am not a fan of complicated recipes so after I got the omelet out of the pan, I put in the apples and turned the heat low to let it caramelize. I was so excited and I had to be patient because waiting for the apple's natural sugars to come out took some time.I added just a small pinch of salt to help the water come out of the apples. Then, I waited for the apples to turn a bit translucent; that's the time I put in one tablespoon of red sugar and I let it melt a bit. When the sugar was sizzling already, I added two tablespoons of water because I didn't want the apple sauce to be too runny. I decided to reduce the sauce so I got the bread out.

I took the plate where I put the omelet on and arranged the toasted bread on one side of the omelet. Perhaps it took me about four minutes to do that because when I looked at the pan, the apples looked just about done. Smelling the apples made me feel hungrier so I turned of the heat and put the apples on one side of the plate.

I carted my plate off to the dining table and I realized that I just made myself a pretty delicious breakfast. My aunt was there and I shared some with her and she liked it too. In fact, it is so sweet and cheesy that I decided to make some for my sister tomorrow. I think, even the hamsters would like to eat some.

As you can see, I have updated the layout of my blog once again. Learning adobe photoshop has helped me create this layout from scratch and I my newly found knowledge has helped me get back into blogging once again. Sadly, I feel selfish about this blog layout so I didn't publish this in Blogskins.

Thanks to PSDTuts for the wonderful photoshop tutorials. I learned a lot. I got to practice through their tutorials. I think it is apparent that the result of the exercises was a success. I will link them to my site when I get the chance!

It's unfortunate, really. I have been sucked in by a vortex of sadness and insolation. I have been in a daze because of the, so far, four deaths of people that are in my generation. I've walked in a contemplative and wary way because I had this irrational fear of death. I figured that if Death was already coming for a 20-year old boy, what would stop him from coming after me?

I'm already 24 years old. I smoke a lot. Wait, that's an understatement; I am a chain smoker. I get myself drunk with coffee, although I also occasionally drink. I don't exercise and I keep myself stressed for long periods of time. I don't really sleep much. Hold on. That's another understatement because I rarely sleep. I have all the risk factors.

I know I have to quit doing all those bad habbits. Life's too short to live waste on irrelevant things.

Before my birthday, I felt so sad. It took a while to recover but I now feel better. Remember, I was writing about my second job? I finally quit working for a call center. I'm now in a day job and I feel fine about it. Although I still can't sleep, I am very happy to just read essays and help students fix any errors on the text. I think this is the start of something good for me.

Life is being good to me right now. By the way, I just noticed that this seems to be a very long overdue birthday post. I'm sorry I am too lazy. Well, there's still time to change.

Have you ever worked two jobs? This is the first time that I am to work 2 jobs and I feel mixed emotions about it. Up to a certain degree I am apprehensive because it would entail that I will have so much to sacrifice. However, I feel somewhat happy because I know I will be growing as a person.

I don't know if I have already posted it here, but I am currently working as a call center agent for a medical insurance. Actually, it's not medical, it's a pharmaceutical insurance. My shift starts 10:00pm - 9:00am every Monday, Thursday, and Friday; If it's a Saturday, it starts 11:00pm - 10:00am (those are in Philippine time).

Now, I've applied as an online tutor. The work hours are fairly flexible as of now, since I am still in training. I don't know yet how everything will work out when I go into it full time though.

Having two jobs made me feel apprehensive. First of all, it's because this is the first time that I will be juggling two major responsibilities at a time. Theoretically, in terms of schedule, I will not be having any major problems because of the predictability of my first job and the flexibility of the second job. However, I don't think that I will be able to handle the stress that it will definitely put on my body. As it is now, I can barely sleep because of insomnia. Even if that is the case, I know my body cannot withstand an extended period of sleeplessness. By the way I figure my schedule out, it seems that the only real time that I can rest would be my van rides to go to work and the trips when I go home. In addition to that, I will have Sunday all to myself.

Additionally, I know that I will still have to transition into the new job because it is new to me. I imagine that it might take me two to three weeks of adjusting before I can say that I am in my groove. Now this poses a problem in terms of salary because my tutorial job is output based, meaning, it will only pay a good wage if I get to make a substantial amount of tutorial. I wouldn't know how it will all figure in my budget yet. I guess I will have to cross the bridge when I get there.

Although I am feeling stressed about the current situation, I am also in a way excited to see how it will turn out. I know that the most I can get from this situation is personal growth because I haven't handled such an amount of responsibility yet. This will definitely force me out of my comfort zone and will also help me find ways of making my time more productively. I know I can work out a good schedule for myself. I just need to muster enough discipline to do a time table that I will stick to. In other words, I would only need to manage my time well and maximize whatever I will have left to focus on myself so as not to just collapse due to exhaustion. This is a reminder to myself that I would need to either buy a planner or make myself one.

On another note, but a major factor in my current predicament, I can say that my first job is actually very rewarding; I get to have three days off and my salary is also about the minimum. However, I feel that I need an extra source of income to bolster my financial status to say that I AM FINANCIALLY STABLE. That is one major reason why I decided to take this challenge. As I've said earlier, my second job is output based so it will be up to me how much I will be making. This means that I just have to do more work for more money. That is what I am most looking forward to actually achieve! My friend who already works there full time says that I can even beat my current salary by a mile if I set my mind to it. Hopefully, it turns out like that for me as well.

Since the pay will be output based, I know that I have to fully motivate myself to achieve maximum output. In terms of motivation, I could say that I do have a lot to motivate me. I have my 2 real estate payments to make, my credit card bill, my Internet bill and the money to buy groceries -- coffee being the top priority! And then, there's the additional factor of saving money for things that I merely want like a new cellular phone, a small notebook (I mean a laptop), and a digital camera for my beloved sister!

At this point, I can see that everything is uncertain. Anything can happen. All I can hope for is the best, really. This is definitely a big change. I know it is for my growth. Growing pains will definitely be there but at least I know I am evolving into another version of myself that can handle more responsibility -- a better person in other words.

I am so stressed out this week. Aside from the application that I have for the online tutor post, I've been feeling pretty miserable about my current job. Mostly because of the mess other people made that I have to clean up after.

I was so stressed that my mother told me that while I was sleeping, I tried to choke her to death. She just suddenly woke because somebody was squeezing her neck. It turns out, I was the one who was doing it. She tried hard to pry my hands off her neck. Luckily, she said I let go. The scary part is, I don't remember anything about it. Sheesh!

Ok so finally me desisyon na akong ginawa. Magboblog na lang ako ng mga blog skins na likha ko. Alam mo na, trip trip lang. Dito ko ilalagay sa blog na ito ang mga bago kong blog skins dahil simula pa nung una akong natutong magblog, andami ko na nagawang skin, kaya lang nawala na ang mga yon.

Dito ko ibubuhos ang aking kaadikan sa pag gawa ng mga blog skins. Bwahaha!

Kung sisipagin, magiging source din 'to ng mga skins for all other blogging sites, or at least ng Multiply.... *evil look at Multiply* Bwahahaha...

Now, as the first installment of my blog skinning (weh... bagong term ba yon?), here's what I call Artistic Kabuki na inspired by the anime Amatsuki. Here's a screen shot:

Looks family diba? E kung di ka rin naman pala tung@k... e yan ang skin ng blog na to ngayon e. If you like this, pwede mo to idownload from blogskins and click mo lang ang title ng skin na to. Bayad ko ha... ehhehe, siyempre joke lang, this is all shareware, just don't say you made it because hell knows, ako ang gumawa nito, and if I go to hell now, I've already made a deal with the devil, kapalit ng pagbalik ko sa lupa, ay ang kaluluwa ng laksa-laksang taong kinaiinisan ko at gumawa ng mali laban sa akin. Just give me my due credit. Hindi ako madamot. There, enjoy na lang sa pagdownload nito. Hopefully, I will make an impact in your blog.

So folks, stay tuned, maraming magbabago. Lahat naman diba?

I am still in my literary slump. Still a blank page.

I am burning my lungs out... smoke... dying neurons because of lack of sleep. Broken hearted? Not really, not so much heart left in me.

After a very late breakfast of cornflakes and coffee, I decided to turn on the TV to watch anything at all that the boob tube could dish out and I saw this local movie called "Ang Cute ng Ina Mo."

The heroine said a line that touched my heart. One that makes me think to revise this blog to a lighter note; move away from The Devil's grip.

She said, "How do I compete with 20 years that we've been apart?" -- ok short background, she got separated from her daughter who was taken to Australia and she tried everything to get to her. Her daughter visited her after so long and she tried her best to compensate for her absence.

It's just amazing for me to think that after so long, she never forgot her daughter and after 20 long years, she still had the will power to say that she will try hard to make up for the years that she wasn't there.

Now a thought occurred to me. If you've been in a relationship and then another person comes along and says to you, "I know you've been with your (bf/gf) for (x number of years) and I know that is hard to compare to but although I know it would be hard for me to win you over, I will face that head-on." What will you say to that then...?

I've been monitoring my site for the last 12hrs and I still can't see my posts. I'm getting aggravated.　Ｉ　ｄｏｎｔ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈａｔ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ．

Monday, I felt like I am being dragged into another work week with my new sched (w/c is totally shit from my point of view). Imagine going to work on Monday, 9pm and going home at 8am. I was rushing for the day to be over and done with. Good thing I will have one rest day after my Monday shift.

Tuesday, I met with my friend Vanni and we went to Festival Mall. By the way, Tuesday is payday. I was in a mall with a lot of money and I was only able to buy 1 shirt. Talk about being stingy.

Wednesday, This day was a godsend. Globe Broadband came to install my internet connection. I am so glad that I am now connected.

Thursday, My family friend Akira wanted to surf on the web using his laptop in my house so he put in a wi-fi setup here. Its crazy. After just a day, I got wi-fi here. It's really crazy. Hahah

Friday, If I was anxious about Monday, I am more anxious to get this day over and done with. I mean my shift. But before that, when I arrived home I found 3 computers lying around my room. I can't sleep in my room today.

That is all. Hehehe