To a lot of people, it seems to me that living a life of crime is an enchanting idea. I cannot deny that I also secretly desire it. Once, when I was terribly angry at a certain person, I imagined that I would pay a group of assassins to kill that person. Of course, I didn't do anything of the sort but the idea of assassinating somebody I don't like still comes to mind at times. Living a life of crime has intrigued me and my desire to be a gang lord has been fulfilled by an online game called Mafia MoFo. Through that game, I am able to release my pent up frustrations in life without hurting anybody physically.
Mafia MoFo is an MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) that lets me live the life of a gangster. The goals of the game is to be the most powerful or the wealthiest gangster there ever could. In that game, I am able to do hurt a lot of people and get their virtual money, commit game crimes, and be part of a gang.
Although it seemingly promotes violence or criminal activities, it actually has some psychological benefits. Instead of committing heinous crimes, I am able to sublimate my destructive compulsions. Through sublimation, I am able to mask a very destructive behavior, such as robbing a convenience store, in just a click of a button. Clicking a button on the computer screen can be justifiably and relatively harmless.
In addition to that, I did not hurt anybody at all -- physically. In the game, I can fight with a person fist to fist or wage war with them using weapons and they will not ever feel any pain. Some would argue that their egos are hurt, but then again, they still go back for some more. Beating other players seems to satisfy my craving for destruction.
At the end of the day, I feel alright having to put up with people that annoy me. Instead of hitting a person with chair, I just click on a button and feel alright. I know that I will never be able to hurt a person and I feel that Mafia MoFo is the best way that I see on how I can be sane amidst all the frustration that the world can offer me.
The past couple of weeks have been too stressful to me. My mother is asking me to prepare all the documents that I would need to apply for a housing loan so I am really stressed over that. Last December, I went to the compulsory seminar for people who want to apply for one. I am just lacking a copy of my employment contract and my payslips. Hopefully, I get them all next week so I can stop stressing over it.
On a lighter note, I found this online game called Mafia Mofo and I felt addicted. The concept of the game is based on a life of crime. I am playing as a regular mobster trying to make my way to the top of the crime hierarchy. It felt so violent so I related to it because of all the pent up frustration I am feeling. Interested? Check it out -
A very disturbing text message found its way into my cellphone. My cousin had a message for my mother to prepare documents related to the lot that I bought for some court matters. The issue isn't clear yet but I am very anxious. I don't know what to think but I am very much afraid.
A silly thought occurred to me while I was smoking with my friends just outside of the office. My friend, Donna, was saying that she wanted something sweet to eat. I started thinking of sweet things to eat so I paced around. While pacing, I noticed that the floor was sticky and there were ants walking all over the sticky floor. That was when the thought occurred!
"I have a question," I said.
Chiqui responded, "What?"
"Do you believe the saying that you are what you eat?"
Chiqui thought about it for a bit before saying, "Yes, I guess so."
"If that is true, should it follow that ants are sweet too since they love to eat sweet things?"
After saying that, of course, there was thunderous laughter all around.
"Whatever did happen to our elementary classmates?" This was the topic that we were discussing while walking through Imus Public Market. Judy was telling me about this friend of hers from grade one. As it turns out, that friend of hers got stuck with just telling stories about their past - the long gone past. That was when I blurted out a lot about my elementary days and how I was a friends with our class president and valedictorian.
"Why is it that when we were kids, the class president is also usually the valedictorian?"
"I guess its because of previous experience," I explained. Trying to think more about it, it seems that kids have a knack at remembering who their past first honor student and back then, we always admired the intelligent and the academic achiever. In a way, it is some form of popularity.
The conversation moved a few more dialogues when I suddenly blurted out, "When we were kids, we voted for the most intelligent kid to be class president. I wish that people remember that when they get older; when we get older, it seems that most Filipinos have forgotten that!"
Judy just nodded in agreement. It really seems that it is true - and rather sad that some people could get stuck in the past but totally focus on the wrong things. We get hung up on who was cute, dirty, ugly or funny but we totally forgot some important lessons. When we gather together, the usual topic is who became somebody or who did not make it. I even chirped a lot about things like that with my valedictorian/class president friend. It also our constant topic. We enjoyed the gossip!
Perhaps, it is the time to look back on some grain of wisdom in kids. We knew how to tell who was good and who was rotten. We remembered that last year, our class president was great and smart. She did everything to make the class orderly. Naturally, since she is smart then, she'll still be smart this year and we'll vote for her again. It's simple logic, right?
Looking back, we made sense. We were smart enough to know what to do. Growing up must have taken away that sense. Perhaps, it may have even been forgotten but since I felt that spark of revelation tonight, I'll remember that conversation come the next elections.
I just thought that mice playing with a cat is a cute concept so here it is. It seems to be an anti-thesis of "when the cat is away, the mouse will play." By the way, the cat looks freaky... I know.
When I woke up today, at around 1:16 pm, I was hungry and I was in a cross mood. The first question that popped into my head is, "Ma, what's for lunch?" Sadly, since it was past lunch-time, there's no more lunch left for me so I decided to think of something to cook while watching our pet hamsters eat.
The hamster cages are kept in front of my aunt's store so she could keep an eye on the pets while tending to the store. On the other side of the story, I admired how cute they are while contemplating what I would like for lunch, brunch, or should I dare say, my breakfast. That's when I noticed that there are some toasted bread on one of her bread baskets and a spark lit in my head. I knew what I would like for my meal. I decided to cook some breakfast food for lunch.
After getting the toasted bread, I decided to cook a cheese omelet to go with my toasted bread and some caramelized apples to tie in the flavor. I enjoyed my breakfast so I decided to share the recipe.
Since the toasted bread sparked all this in my head, let me start with that. The one I used in the recipe is just plain old loaf bread toasted with margarine and sugar sprinkled on top of it until it gets crunchy all the way through. That's a good choice, I thought, if I wanted to cook this again; I can easily toast some on my own if I can't get any from the store.
As I was walking towards my house, I saw my other aunt eating half of an apple, so that gave me the idea of caramelizing some. When I got in the house, I opened our ref to see the other half and I got it. I just carved out the seeds and the nasty ends of the apple. Afterwards, I cut them into thin slices and I set them aside.
Then, I got a medium sized egg and I beat it in a bowl. I added just a pinch of salt since I'm adding some cheese into it later. As I was doing that, I was preheating some oil in a frying pan. After beating the eggs, I got some cheese and cut a slice. When I got back to the stove, the oil was already hot so I poured in the beaten eggs and I grated some cheese over it. Once the omelet was cooked enough on one side, I flipped it and cooked it all the way through.
I am not a fan of complicated recipes so after I got the omelet out of the pan, I put in the apples and turned the heat low to let it caramelize. I was so excited and I had to be patient because waiting for the apple's natural sugars to come out took some time.I added just a small pinch of salt to help the water come out of the apples. Then, I waited for the apples to turn a bit translucent; that's the time I put in one tablespoon of red sugar and I let it melt a bit. When the sugar was sizzling already, I added two tablespoons of water because I didn't want the apple sauce to be too runny. I decided to reduce the sauce so I got the bread out.
I took the plate where I put the omelet on and arranged the toasted bread on one side of the omelet. Perhaps it took me about four minutes to do that because when I looked at the pan, the apples looked just about done. Smelling the apples made me feel hungrier so I turned of the heat and put the apples on one side of the plate.
I carted my plate off to the dining table and I realized that I just made myself a pretty delicious breakfast. My aunt was there and I shared some with her and she liked it too. In fact, it is so sweet and cheesy that I decided to make some for my sister tomorrow. I think, even the hamsters would like to eat some.
Flying through air, posted on an envelope, a butterfly pair arrives in the mail.
Arhopala anthelus impar: blue and black and parantica danatti danatti: white patterns broken by dark veins.
I held the letter and admired the stamps. Tearing paper, carefully unfolding letter shows red ink and cursive handwriting.
Wormed through smudged words, I peeled the stamps off the envelope
and let the letter flutter in the wind.
I never thought that I would find the exact stamp that I was looking for. That blue one is really the stamp I wrote about. I just can't find the Parantica stamp. This poem actually came as a surprise from one of my really old blogs and I did not expect to find it yet again.
It was written on May 17th, 2007. According to my notes, my friend Charisma inspired me to write it. I just forgot the circumstance that brought it on. Nevertheless, I think that it is a good poem.
Merry Christmas to everyone! The year is nearly coming to a close and it forces me to think back at the life I've lived so far. It seems that this year is all about changes - adding some, taking away some. Although I really can't seem to smile over everything, I imagine that everything has a purpose in life. I think of it as Santa Claus' gift for me. He gave a gift or realizations which comes to me in three sayings: What doesn't kill you will make you stronger, growing pains, and change is constant. Perhaps, it is really true; What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Scientifically, it has been proven that cockroaches have developed immunity over insecticides. When they don't die from the first exposure, they develop an immunity to it and pass it on to their offsprings. Could this be true for human beings? Surely, if it comes to insecticides, it might not really be true. However, emotionally, the idea seems to hold water. I thought that there are some things that are so irreplaceable that I'd die without it but I am still here. I have lost more than things but I am still breathing. My heart still beats strongly. I still smile and laugh a lot. For that, I am truly thankful. I am even thankful for the pain.
Recognizing pain might actually be a good sign. This brings me to growing pains. Once again, scientifically, and this is true for humans, there are two kinds of bone cells: osteoblasts and osteoclasts. One breaks down bones and the other deposits more calcium to make our bone matrix bigger, longer or stronger. It is part of growing. Although it might not really be painful, it is still part of the cycle of creation and destruction. The same thing can be said, perhaps, about our emotional growth. There are some things that we need to undergo so that we may grow. I'd always say, "I am a work in progress." Sometimes, it means that I'd have to get really hurt to learn new lessons about life. This year, I have learned to face those kinds of events and treat them as a lesson from life. It's just a matter of learning it soon enough; if not, life tends to teach us one lesson over and over again until we learn. The pain might just be a marker that we must remember to do the right things or else...
In the end, it all boils down to change - Evolution, as Darwin might put it. Everyday is a new day. Everyday holds something good and bad. I just concentrate on the good most of the time now. As for the bad, I've learned that we must use them and not let it use us. Otherwise, we change into terrible shapes and do terrible deeds; Paulo Coelho said something similar. In a paraphrase, I think he said that when we change for the good, we also change everything around us in the same direction. That is how the Alchemist is able to transform regular metals into gold. I am just thankful for it.
This year, today, Christmas day, I think that I have been given a great gift; more than the Nativity, I received realizations that can help me and life I touch. I am still alive and I am stronger. What did not kill me made me stronger. Painful as it is, pain is a part of growing and in the simplest sense, we change. Hopefully, it is for the better. Change is constant and I just hope that I constantly change to become good, happy, and alive, in every sense of the word. Here's to Christmas. Here's to what Santa brought me this year! Merry Christmas, everyone.
Flowers are pretty on a vase. Tortoise shell balls resting on the mantle looks shiny. Crystals on the chandelier reflects rainbows but each one will succumb to forgetting beauty when dust settles thick.
I really did this on December 5th, 2008. Just as the quote says, "my day does not end until I sleep. I got the idea that it would be a good description to what's on the drawing.
I am still not able to get over the new album of Alanis. In veneration for her, I have decided to repost this music video for Underneath. I love the concept of living inside a human heart!
Underneath Lyrics
Look at us break our bonds in this kitchen Look at us rallying all our defenses Look at us waging war in our bedroom Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues
There is no difference in what we're doing in here That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath
Look at us our form our cliques in our sandbox Look at us micro kids with both our hearts blocked Look at us turn away from all the rough spots Look at dictatorship on my own block
There is no difference in what we're doing in here That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath
How I've spun my wheels with carts before my horse When shine on the outside springs from the root Spotlight on these seeds of simpler reasons This core, born into form, starts in our living room
There is no difference in what we're doing in here That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath.
fingernail orchids obsidian eyes fern-leaf ears blue bottle necks fish bone smile
slices of the familiar tossed together would make an alien salad
but only the tongue can decide if it is palatable.
This is just a poem that came out of my weird play on words. I am not quite sure if I would really consider it poetry but I did decide to go with vanity and put it here. I think, based on my files at least, this poem was written around the time of June 8th, 2006. If I remember correctly, the first line I wrote was fingernail orchids. Doesn't that sound exotic?
By the way, who would've know that I could find a fitting picture for this post?! Initially, I posted this without a picture but I went and googled using the key word "alien salad" and the perfect image came up. I would like to thank Till Nowak for making this. I found this image in Scott Beale's Site, LaughingSquid.com.
It seems that most of my friends have a hard time in remembering my URL so I opted to register for a shorter web address. Instead of the long http://rchrd-v-8-19.blogspot.com, you can just simply type http://readefinerichard.tk. Isn't that much shorter? I hope that fixes that problem. Feedback is much appreciated. Cheers!
