The title says it all. I know I’ve posted that my new blog is FLIP/still, but now, I’m revoking it. I’m trying to start anew. My new blog, and I’ll stick to it this time, is
I think I need to rethink my priorities. I have gone on and tried presenting 24 life lessons for each year that I am alive, but I haven't thought the idea through. I don't exactly know what to write about now. Pardon me if I would be abadoning the topic for a while.
Lesson 4: A kid should not be allowed to run wild in the Antipolo area, especially within the driveways of Assumption - Antipolo.
1987 - Year 4 in the life of Rchrd.
Back in the day, my mother and father worked for a school bus company that ferried children to different prominent schools in the Philippines. My father worked as a bus driver, and my mother worked as a bus mother. Her work entailed that she took care of the kids, especially the ones that hava a habit of standing up and running around the bus while it is moving.
At that age, 4 years old, I was still sorely attached to my mother so she would usually bring me to work. Otherwise, the entire neighborhood would be woken by my loud cry at 5:00 AM. Since the job was relatively easy - she just had to really work when the kids are there - it allowed her to bring me with her.
She was assigned to a bus that took kids to Assumption - Antipolo. While waiting for the kids' dismissal time, we would often sit on the grass and have a picnic. There were also cashew trees in the vicinity of the school so we would pick the fallen fruits and play with it. However, one day, I got the impression that it was fun to run on the asphalt driveway of a downhill road. She tried to run after me, but she was too late. "Blag!" I went down on my forehead and rolled a few feet more.
That fall was monumental because I got a bump on my forehead that really protrudes from it. Even now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I can still see that bump on the right side of my forehead.
Lesson 3. Don't listen to a word that your neighbors say.
1986 - Year 3 in the life of Rchrd.
Back in 1986, I can't really remember much but I do remember two things: my sister was born on 1986 and my neighbors said so many things about her already.
They were saying, "Hala hindi ka na mahal ng Daddy mo. May iba na siyang mahal." Roughly translated, they said that I was in big trouble because my Daddy had a new kid to love; he would not love me anymore. Much of that threat became ingrained in me as I was growing up. Because of that, I bullied my sister. I used to say that she was ugly just because I really thought that she was replacing me in the hearts of my parents. It is sad to say but I was not a good big brother to my sister when we were growing up.
Looking back in time, I feel bad about it. Even though we were bitter enemies when we were kids, I now appreciate my sister in so many ways. She is one person that equalls me intellectually. We could have conversations about genetics and art in the easiest manner. Just this Sunday, we watched Harry Potter 6, and she treated because I didn't have enough budget to watch a movie.
I wouldn't have this regret if I didn't listen to my stupid -- yes they are stupid -- neighbors. Had I known what I know now, I would have taken better care of her.
The picture came from this website: http://architel.com/2008/05/01/gossip-or-networking-2/.
Lesson 2. Sometimes, some things are better best forgotten.
1985 - Year 2 in the life of Rchrd.
Since I don't really recall anything from when I was 2 years old, I can't seem to find anything relevant to tell. However, as I was thinking of an idea for my next story that will be published in The Ivory Tower, I was able to get some perspective about the whole lesson.
Usually, we forget things that are unimportant. They don't seem to have a big impact on our lives anyway. Perhaps, that's why we remember other more important things. On the other hand, we do also forget important things. They may lead to life-changing decisions like a loss of a job or a break-up with somebody. Nevertheless, in retrospect, we might not have gotten that better job or that better lover had we not forgotten that important thing. I think, it's all in how we look at things.
Some times, even though we might not recall one thing, perhaps, it is best not to. I'll leave this all up to fate and faith. Now that I've learned this lesson, I am just enjoying the ride.
The picture was taken from http://infectedsoul.deviantart.com/art/Death-Becomes-Forgetful-33805172.
Strolling through the blogosphere, I stumbled upon the blog of Cat, Quarterlife, and I encountered her "24 things i learned" post. As I am now absentmindedly biographical, I thought that I'd do the same but with a twist. I'll highlight the best lesson that I learned during each year for the 24 years that I am alive.
Here we go!
Lesson 1. Life finds a way.
1984 - Year 1 in the life of Rchrd.
When I was born, my mother said that I was colored green, didn't cry, and incurred an infection from being born postmaturely. The doctors said to her that I must have ingested some of my excretions while still in the womb. Ergo, I nearly died after being born but I am still here. I am writing this blog post, a proof that life finds a way.
The picture was taken from http://www.childrens.com/healthlibrary/healthlibcontent.cfm?pageid=p02399.
Sometimes, we can only see the beauty of things we take for granted when we change our perspective.
As I was bored out of my wits last week, I took a picture of our rafters. It was a half-hearted shot and a surprise when the picture came out really well. The over exposure of the lower left part of the picture contrasted nicely with the underexposed top right portion. The shadows were really dark and the light parts exposed the ridges of our roof.
With that first picture, I started to look around the house and tried to find other parts of the house that would look good on camera given the proper angle and perspectives.
The left middle picture, the one colored pink is my current bed spread. The right middle picture is the jalousie frame of my window. The bottom picture is of our bench in the living room. All these pictures came out really well.
However, I took the pictures with the black and white setting of my camera phone so I decided to colorize the photographs to add more appeal.
Given that I am not a professional at this, I would like to say that I am proud of these pictures because they surprised me; I always thought that our house was quite ugly and unfinished, but when I looked at it with a different perspective, I was able to appreciate its beauty.
I really don't know what to say about that ConAss shit that's buzzing all around the blogosphere. A lot of people have been blogging about that topic. I'd like to say that I have a good idea about the issue, but in reality, I really don't know squat about that topic. From what I've heard about it from my sister, it stands for Constituent Assembly. From what I have read about it in Ayel's site, it has an alien name that sounds like C3P0 or R2D2; if my memory serves me right, it's HR 1109.
Ok, so far, so good, right?
Nevertheless, I don't care what it really stands for because no matter what they plan in congress, senate, or any other governing body, it wouldn't matter. FILIPINO POLITICIANS DO NOT HAVE THE WILL TO CHANGE ANYTHING FOR THE GOOD OF THEIR PEOPLE. I'd have to generalize but nothing ever changes around here. The same trend keeps on popping up. Politicians just want to have money, power, and popularity. Why else would they dabble in a supposedly private issue such as that of Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili. If they wanted to improve on the Philippine condition, the matter of pornography should've been addressed a good long time ago. Likewise, if politicians here wanted to take away corruption, it should have been done even before Manuel L. Quezon died.
Harsh, huh?!
You may call me idealistic; I might be dreaming up a utopia, but the fact still remains. We are still poor. We are still dirty. We are still nutty. Just look at EDSA. It's colored pink for a divinity's sake! We've had People Power Revolutions (approximately 2 or 3, depending on whose side a citizen is on). We still have flood. We still have corruption. Even if we call the president emperor, czar, prime minister, God, or Grand Fuhrer, it will not change a thing. Shuffle a deck of cards, but leave the same cards in it and it's still the same DAMNED FUCKING piece of shitty playing cards.
I am at a crossroads right now. My life is running a little bit crazy at the moment and it is time for me to make a radical change. Work is not doing well. My creativity has stopped flowing, and cash is running short right now.
Due to the economic crisis, my company is planning to cut back on our retainer's fee. Since we follow the American school year, we are facing the summer term and our service, tutorials, we are not receiving a lot of requests for it. With the demand going down, the company revenue is dwindling, which trickles down to us. In my view, I need to get another job -- fast!
I have also stopped writing because of the constant thought on how to get another job and more money. I can't even elaborate on this aspect. I am so blocked right now.
Money, money, money! I need lots of it. Please donate! Seriously though, I would like to get some money so I can get back on track. I am starting to pile on bills and I don't want to be swamped. I don't want to beg and this is not solicitation. This is the least of my worries.
In a way, life is pulling me in different directions. The crossroad wants me to get a new job, write, and get tons of money. Hopefully, I choose the right way so I can end up in a place where every problem is solved.
With a single red headed match, I ignite, burst into flame, smolder, burn, flicker, die out, turn to ashes, fly into the wind, and settle on your forehead.
It's ironic that it only takes a single red headed match for you to notice my presence, yet, brush me off back into the wind.
Where I live, we still believe the saying that says, "Ang sakit ng kalingkingan ay sakit ng buong katawan." That is a Tagalog saying that is roughly translated as, "The pain of your little finger is the pain of your entire body." I would attest to that as my ingrown toe nail on my bit toe throbbed painfully all day yesterday until early this morning.
It started yesterday, when I woke up. I started feeling that my toe nails were already dirty, so I decided to trim them a little bit. Knowing that it has been a chronic problem, I took careful attention when I was trimming my big toe's nail on my right foot. I stood at the threshold of our kitchen's back door because the early morning light illuminated the space better than the living room. I trimmed away, not knowing that I was in for a big surprise later on in the day.
The day went on lazily. My family and I just watched television and some DVD's. I also played Warcraft on my PC. I slept in the afternoon and continued watching TV; all of these activities didn't require that I use my feet much.
However, when the evening came, I felt a throbbing on my right big toe. Thinking that it will subside, I decided to ignore it until I banged my foot on the floor. It hurt like being impaled by a swordfish! I was still not paying attention to the pain. I just tried to numb my foot with some topical analgesic, which did the trick for a few hours.
I was already asleep when suddenly, a sharp jolt of pain woke me up. I banged my toe again; this time, it was on the wall on the feet side of my bed. I wasn't able to get much sleep because of that. I think, I was able to finally sleep at around 3:30AM.
When my mother woke me up, the pain was still sharp, and it felt more raw than ever. I felt like my toe was being eaten by worms from the inside out. That was when I decided to really go in deep and get the toe nail that was killing me.
I tried to remove it by using hook-shaped nail cutters, but it didn't work. Then, I hastily borrowed my aunt's nail cleaning set and got out her nippers. With the nipper's help, I was able to remove most of the nail on the side of my toe but the part of my nail that was slicing on my flesh was still embedded deep in my skin. Each snip that I tried seemed to feel like flowers, made of pain, blossom from my foot. I don't know why that is how I describe it, but that's really how it felt - red roses 6 inches wide, blossoming from one end of a field, moving like a field of barley being bent by the passing wind, causing pain and agony.
That was when I asked my aunt to intervene. I'd like to detail more about her, but to cut that part short, she wasn't able to help. Each time she tried fishing out the sharp shard of toe nail, the pain intensified, causing me to feel nauseous, dizzy, faint, and sore all at the same time.
Out of sheer desperation, I decided to clench my teeth and do it by myself. I'd rather face the pain just for a while than to spend the rest of the day agonizing over a tedious and persistent feeling. I decide to nip, pull, cut, push and slice my way into the nail and skin of my toe to get the ingrown piece out. After a while, seeing that my flesh has been macerated by my attempt, I gnashed my molars for a final tug.
All of a sudden, the pinnacle of pain was know to me, and I was writhing. A few minutes passed and all of it slowly drew away, like the ebbing of a flood. I am just thankful that the pain was gone. That's when I realized that the old saying was true. Hopefully, this is the last time that I have to endure this suffering. Thank you, God, for pedicurists.
I’ve always wondered why my blog entries seemed to only include mental events, which doesn’t always sound happy. Last week, it came to me in an epiphany that I have been constantly living in the future. That realization seems to explain why my blog entries are too abstract and gloomy. Thinking ahead, anticipating, and creating contingency measures seem to place me too far ahead in the future to enjoy the present.
I’ve always thought ahead into the future. To me, it is a crime to not think of repercussions, consequences, and backlashes that rob me of my happiness. Just last week, I asked my friend, Kate, if she can go with me and talk about this realization. As we were walking around in the mall, looking for a place to eat lunch in, she asked me if we could eat at Wendy’s.
I said, “Sure! I think I already know what I will order.” At that point, I was thinking of the Big-a-Boom Combo 1 that they served at Wendy’s. While walking towards the fast food restaurant, I was already looking forward to eating spaghetti enough for two people, a burger, and a large iced tea. At the counter, we ordered, waited for our food, and sat down in a corner.
I was half-way through my spaghetti when I realized that it wasn’t as delicious as I have imagined it to be. The meal that I was eating was a glaring contrast to the savory sauce, salty cheese, and juicy bits of meat that made me agree to eat there in the first place. I was, again, too ahead of myself to enjoy what I was eating. I have already enjoyed eating mentally, which made the real meal pale in comparison.
Likewise, it seems that the fun of weekends is overshadowed by my pessimistic anticipation of the coming Monday. I catch myself saying things like, “Don’t bother going out. You’ll need all your strength when the week starts.” I said that monologue about 3 months ago. Another friend, Donna, texted me saying that she was back from the US with her baby. She was suggesting that we should hang out and catch up on each other’s lives. I received her message at around 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Thinking that I will get tired and lose sleep by going out made me pass up on a bonding moment with a friend. It was a Saturday when she sent the invite. I could’ve stayed up late, and I could’ve done my resting that Sunday. Instead, I cooped myself up in the house just because I was expecting a tiring week ahead.
Aside from anticipation, I also tire myself with thinking about contingency plans. I always say to myself and to others that it’s always good to have back-up plans. It keeps me safe from what I fearfully anticipate such as heart-ache, physical injury, and money problems.
Writing this reflection reminds me of the time I worked myself to the point of exhaustion. Because we were falling behind with our quota, the company that I work for rolled out an incentive scheme to encourage my department to review more essays. As a carrot to a horse, we were baited with prize money for completing the most essays within a week. We were supposed to review 4000 essays by the end of February. However, it was already the third week of the month, and we still weren’t on the half-way mark.
I decided to go on over-drive and reviewed essays from morning ‘til late in the evening. I was running a lot of schemes in my head. “I should review 14 essays today. With that number, it will mean one grand in my pay slip,” I thought to myself. “On Saturday, you should review another 18 essays – by hook or by crook! “ I even joked. During that Saturday, I was able to complete 20 essays. That number was my all-time high. I was ecstatic that night. “I’ll win the incentive,” I said confidently.
True to the word, I did win the incentive, but I was blindsided by what I’d call as burn-out. The next week, when we got the prize money, I was sick with sore throat, and I was not able to muster enough will-power to keep my performance up. Just thinking of doing more essay reviews made me feel tired. It seemed that my back-up plan back-fired on me, causing my next pay slip to dip right below my budget.
Looking back, it seems that concentrating on the future, with intent to be happy, never really helped me achieve that goal. Thinking ahead, anticipating, and devising contingency plans seemed to have robbed me of my present happiness. It even robbed me of full blog entries that could’ve interested readers. Receiving this epiphany now seems to be really timely. I’ve realized that I’ll never be able to fully foresee the future, so I might as well enjoy the present. I’d rather be happy than intend to be happy.
Alas, only 1 of my picks went through to the top 12. Well, congratulations for Danny Gokey. He really did good on his performance. While I was watching him perform Hero today, it felt that he was singing as if he's won. I hope he goes far in this season.
On the other hand, I hand it down to Michael Sarver's all-American charm. I don't still feel that he is AI winner material but he sounded better today after Ryan announced that he is through.
I felt that I was blind-sided by Alexis Grace because I thought that her performance was a little bit screechy. In the end, it all boils down to democracy.
I wish them well and I can't wait to see them in the top 12 round.
I want to be the first to blog about predictions about American Idol. I foresee that Danny Gokey will get through to the next round as the representative for the guys. For the girls, it seems that Anne Marie Boskovich will make it. The my third highest vote goes to Jackie Tohn. Let's stay tuned!
There's a saying that when it rains, it pours. It seems that today, it happened to me both literally and figuratively. Earlier in the morning, it rained. During the afternoon, a lot of new things poured down on me. I think that today is a start of new things and discoveries. Kate already finished her novel and I have in my hands her first manuscript; my friend, Anyanka, from Mafia Mofo asked me to coauthor a blog with her; finally, I learned something new about myself.
It seems that over the past entries, I have been mentioning that my friend, Kate, has a novel. As it turns out, she has finished giving birth to her novel and I have the manuscript already. The beginning looks promising and I can't wait to ravage through the entire piece. Being the bookworm that I am, I can finish that manuscript before the week is up. I can only give vague details about the novel because I want to ensure that readers worldwide buy her book once they get off the press and become available in bookstores; no spoilers here, sorry. I started reading the manuscript while I was at the van station, waiting for it to fill up with passengers. I was able to finish 5 chapters in less than 30 minutes.
When I arrived home, I checked my Mafia Mofo and I found a message from my friend, Anyanka. She is sort of my big sister in that online RPG and we've become friends even though we are continents apart. I love the internet! Anyway, she has asked me to coauthor a blog with her and naturally, I accepted. Wait for further updates on that. By the way, I think you are reading this Big Sis. Hello to you! Ü
Now, on to something really weird. While I was at the van, I noticed that there's a funny smell in the air. Think in the lines of vinegar! It smelled like somebody had just finished jogging and decided to raise his hairy armpits for the world to smell. As it turns out, I think that I was that smelly guy. How did I find out? I discretely raised my right arm and pretended to rest my head on my shoulders, that's how. I admit; I smelled horrible. I was feeling horrible too. Too bad, I was sitting next to a pretty girl wearing a green tank top and green eyeshadow. I got self-conscious of course. Moving on, I pretended to not notice until we got off the van. While waiting for a ride, I decided to check on my smell and it seems that the smell vanished! I was feeling a little bit better too. I don't know if this makes sense but this is my theory:
I smell bad if I feel bad; I smell good if I feel good.
Does that make sense? I know; I am weird. That's why you read my blog, right?
At about 2:30 PM, I was listening to Jordin Sparks' song, No Air. Part of the lyrics asks:
Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air It’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there It’s no air, no air Got me out here in the water so deep Tell me how you gon’ be without me If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe It’s no air, no air
No air? Hmmm... Is that a trick question? That's elementary, my dear Jordin. You need to grow some gills. Gills are used by fishes to breathe water instead of air. Simple, isn't it?!
"Chad, what is 137 x 2?" Kate asked me last Monday. That was when we were buying 2 reams of bond paper for her project.
"374!" I replied with confidence.
"No, it's 274," she said in defiance.
Kate couldn't accept my answer and we insisted on our respective answers in front of the cashier. To finally settle the discussion, I took out my cell phone and calculated the real answer. To my surprise and utter embarrassment, the calculator did say 274.
Tuesday came and went. Before going home for the day, Kate and I had to submit reports to our boss. I was supposed to tally my work output for the day and I had to ask for the sum of 16 and 8. Since I acknowledged that I am really bad at math, I asked Kate.
"21," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
Everybody reacted with a gasp. After a few seconds, there was laughter all over our office. Our boss corrected us and said that the correct answer is 24. At that point, I felt that Kate and I were equals again; she can't boast her math skills over mine.
When I got home, I decided to do more work. At around 11 PM, I started wrapping up and I had to send another report. I had to email the report to my boss. I tallied my work again and I sent the report. After sending the report, I read my email again and I my mouth went agape!
I miscalculated the figures again. It was supposed to be 8 + 6. However, I put 10 instead of 14. Oh my God! I immediately wrote a follow-up email correcting my figures. Nevertheless, the embarrassment was already there and there's no way to take it back. After everything that happened, I learned one very important thing:
Yesterday, after a hard day's work, I went with my friend Kate and we bought some office supplies because she was supposed to print her work. It was past 4 PM when we left the office. We headed to Alabang Town Center to buy the supplies that she needed. On the drive home, I was fidgeting with her CD case for Nickelback's Darkhorse album. I opened the case and I was eying her wickedly because another CD was in it -- the Carpenter's greatest hit album. That is how I learned of their cover of Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft.
I asked her how on earth did that CD ended up in the wrong case when she explained that the CD was her mother's. I scanned the CD since it was from the Carpenters. While reading the track titles, she predicted that she was sure I'll like one track. I asked that we listen to it and out of curiousity, I asked her if we could drive around a random block so I can finish listening to the song. As it turned out, the track is the weirdest song that I've ever heard of from the Carpenters.
Curious? Well, here's how it goes:
Want some more fun? Why don't we sing it together?
In your mind you have capacities you know To telepath messages through the vast unknown Please close your eyes and concentrate With every thought you think Upon the recitation we're about to sing
(*) calling occupants of interplanetary craft
Calling occupants of interplanetary most extraordinary craft
Repeat (*)
You've been observing our earth And we'd like to make a contact with you We are your friends
Calling occupants of interplanetary craft Calling occupants of interplanetary ultra-emissaries
We've been observing your earth And one night we'll make a contact with you We are your friends
Calling occupants of interplanetary quite extraordinary craft
And please come on peace, we beseech you Only a landing will teach them Our earth may never survive So do come, we beg you Please interstellar policeman Oh, won't you give us a sign Give us a sign that we've reached you
With your mind you have ability to form And transmit thought energy far beyond the norm You close your eyes, you concentrate Together that's the way To send the message We declare world contact day
Repeat (*) twice
We are your friends
As it turns out, the song was already a cover of the same song originally recorded by a band called Klaatu in 1976. It was supposed to be the original anthem for the World Contact Day. John Woloschuk, as qouted from Wikipedia, said:
The idea for this track was suggested by an actual event that is described in The Flying Saucer Reader, a book by Jay David published in 1967. In March 1953 an organization known as the "International Flying Saucer Bureau" sent a bulletin to all its members urging them to participate in an experiment termed "World Contact Day" whereby, at a predetermined date and time, they would attempt to collectively send out a telepathic message to visitors from outer space. The message began with the words..."Calling occupants of interplanetary craft!"
Sadly, Klaatu's version was overshadowed by the Carpenters' version. Nevertheless, thanks to both their efforts, we now have a song to enjoy. Now, if I can just concentrate and contact the ultra-emissaries -- calling occupants of interplanetary craft!
Calling occupants of interplanetary craft! Calling occupants of interplanetary craft! Calling occupants of interplanetary craft! Calling occupants of interplanetary craft! Calling occupants of interplanetary craft! Calling occupants of interplanetary craft!
She was assigned to a bus that took kids to Assumption - Antipolo. While waiting for the kids' dismissal time, we would often sit on the grass and have a picnic. There were also cashew trees in the vicinity of the school so we would pick the fallen fruits and play with it. However, one day, I got the impression that it was fun to run on the asphalt driveway of a downhill road. She tried to run after me, but she was too late. "Blag!" I went down on my forehead and rolled a few feet more.
They were saying, "Hala hindi ka na mahal ng Daddy mo. May iba na siyang mahal." Roughly translated, they said that I was in big trouble because my Daddy had a new kid to love; he would not love me anymore. Much of that threat became ingrained in me as I was growing up. Because of that, I bullied my sister. I used to say that she was ugly just because I really thought that she was replacing me in the hearts of my parents. It is sad to say but I was not a good big brother to my sister when we were growing up.
Lesson 1. Life finds a way. 
Sometimes, we can only see the beauty of things we take for granted when we change our perspective.
I’ve always wondered why my blog entries seemed to only include mental events, which doesn’t always sound happy. Last week, it came to me in an epiphany that I have been constantly living in the future. That realization seems to explain why my blog entries are too abstract and gloomy. Thinking ahead, anticipating, and creating contingency measures seem to place me too far ahead in the future to enjoy the present.
